Soap Box

2010-04-21T10:29:00.001-07:00

go to jillian-says.blogspot.com

k thanks :)

2009

2010-01-02T06:13:00.000-08:00

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
I turned 21, I finally went to a real University
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't even remember what they were
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
not in 2009
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Thankfully not.
5. What countries did you visit?
I didn't
6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
More money and idk..
7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
New Years Eve was great, January 28- my 21 birthday
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Going to a real university, buying my car
9. What was your biggest failure?
Not doing the one thing I've wanted more than anything...and actually be misreble
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
no
11. What was the best thing you bought?
My car!!
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My awesome friends
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
No comment
14. Where did most of your money go?
Rent, tuition, books, car, gas, food.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
concerts, my car, football season, baseball season, movies
16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
Party In the USA!!...idk
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:a) happier or sadder?b) thinner or fatter?c) richer or poorer?happier, fatter, richer.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Exercise, save money, studying, meeting new people
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
worry, eating hahahaha, complaining
20. How did you spend Christmas?
With Julie's fam then my fam then my extended fam for the weekend
21. Did you fall in love in 2009?No.
22. What was your favorite TV program?
One Tree Hill, How I met your Mother, Grey's, Gilmore Girls
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?No.
24. What was the best book you read?
Twilight Saga, HP 6&7, Dear John, Opposite of Love
25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Green River Ordinance....by a freaking long shot!
26. What did you want and get?a car
27. What did you want and not get? more money
28. What was your favorite film of this year?I loved (500) Days of Summer, Harry Potter 6, New Moon, Sherlock Holmes
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I went to dinner at Olive Garden then we went to Patty Reds
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
friends
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
I really love the whole lace, and flowers (not floral print) and the ultra feminin details
32. What kept you sane?
My close friends
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
a few, RPat, Channing Tatum, Chris Pine, Chad Michael Murray
34. What political issue stirred you the most?
I honestly didn't pay attention
35. Who did you miss?
Mom, friends that are far away
36. Who was the best new person you met?
Hm..Allie
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
Everything happens for a reason so look at the big picture; don't do something just to save you money if you're going to be misreble
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Come on come on
If you want to make it right we can make it right
Said come on come on
If you want to make it right we can make it right
Said come on come on
If you want to make it right we can make it right
Said I won't be here when the morning comes no-Green River Ordinance "Come On"

2009-12-31T11:06:00.000-08:00

I've been away from my little 'ole blog for awhile but I just felt the need to update because...

This is definately going to be the best weekened in a very long time!

Tonight:

New Years Eve at The Aardvark!

These guys will be performing, and if I haven't said it on here already they are my favorite band, and they also happen to be from my home town. They've been out on tour and are home for a few weeks, The Aardvark is actually where they got their start so that's pretty cool :)

by the way they're video "Come On" is in the running to be on Vh1's top 20 this week so everyone go watch it and VOTE for them to be number one!

http://www.vh1.com/video/play.jhtml?artist=2132443&vid=457048

Monday Night:

TCU will be playing Boise St in the Fiesta bowl.

TCU is undefeated for the season and they are looking to have a perfect season and show the Nation that they deserve to be a BCS team.

GO FROGS!!

New Moon, Thanksgiving, and TCU football

2009-11-28T07:16:00.000-08:00

Last week I braved the crowds of 12 year old girls and went to see New Moon at 3:00 in the morning (which btw why would you let your kids go see a movie at 3 in the morning on a school night?) and it was excellent, so much better than the first. Everyone seems to be switching to Team Jacob but seriously..no. I am still 100% Team Edward, I thought Jacob's lines were so cheesy, and I keep thinking about him in Eclipse and how annoying he was...so I'm still 100% Team Edward..although Taylor Lautner is pretty hot in this movie (minus his nose..). However, the part after Bella and Jessica went to see the movie was hilarious, they made Jessica really funny (even though she was a little bitchy).

Then for Thanksgiving on thursday my bro and I drove to Dallas to meet my cousin, her husband and two kids then went to Rockwall to her sister in law's house and ate with them, which was pretty cool. I looooved their house. It was kind of old but the "den" was really big and had windows all along one wall with a window seat and they had a mini coffee bar and wine bar on the other side. It was awesome, I want something like that in my future house. Oh and the Turkey was excellent, the Cowboys won, and UT won too (even though A&M winning would have helped TCU..) all in all it was an excellent day.

Today, I am getting off work at noon and heading straight to Amon G. Carter Stadium to see TCU kick so Lobos butt. We are currently #4 and will probably be #3 by the end of the season (after Florida and Alabama play each other in the SCC Championship) hollaaa!

Christmas Time is heeeeeeeeeeeere :) btw.

2009-11-13T07:52:00.000-08:00

So. In my absence on my little ol' blog, a few things have happened.

First, I found out that I can change my major to General Studies and take counseling classes and then get counseling certified, then go to grad school to get my chosen Masters, and if I do that I will probably be able to graduate earlier than I would getting a Psych BS/BA and I won't have to take a bunch of research related classes since I want nothing to do with the research aspect of psychology.

Second, I applied for a job in Denton yesterday, but I don't think I'm going to take it (if it's offered to me) because when I was there it was just weird. I didn't like the feel of the place and it wasn't really very professional at all.

Third, TCU IS NUMBER FOUR IN THE NATION ON ALL OF THE POLLS (INCLUDING BCS)!!!!! Tomorrow is the BIG game against Utah and ESPN's College Gameday (I think it's ESPN) is going to be there which is the first time ever for them to come to Fort Worth. The stadium is going to be packed and it is sold-out (it's never sold out), and on top of that it's the Frogs For the Cure game which is my favorite game every year because I have a special place in my heart for the Breast Cancer fight. I am absolutely beyond excited, I'm getting there like 3 hours before the game starts (maybe more) although a bunch of people are camping out in the campus commons the entire night. I can't waaaaaaait!!!!

GO FROGS!

busy busy busy...

2009-11-04T08:26:00.000-08:00

I have been one incredibly busy girl lately. I litterally have something going every day, all day. I work 9-6 MWF and I'm in class from 9:30-5 (with a break for lunch) TTH, on Tuesdays I have a class from 6-8:50 then on Thursdays I have a biblestudy at 7. If I go home after work I don't get home I leave my house at 8 am and don't get home until 7 pm. I could go to a mentoring/bible study for Transfer and Freshman girls at UNT but it starts at 7 on Mondays and I just don't have the energy for it. I've been so busy that I barely have time to do laundry and homework and I have hardly any time to clean my apartment and go grocery shopping and clean my car and I don't have any time to make it to the gym. It's so frustrating because by the time I get home I have to make dinner and do homework and I'm purely exhausted by 9 or 10 o'clock.

I'm trying to sit down and make out a calander of my week to make time to do things like work out and spend time with friends and clean the apartment. aaaaaaaaagh school needs to go away.

2009-11-02T14:10:00.000-08:00

Soooo...it's been a while...

Halloween was fairly uneventful, as always. It's not exactly my favorite holiday. All there is to do is dress up and get drunk...not always my cup of tea. I did however end up having a great halloween with old friends.

During the afternoon I went to see TCU whoop up on UNLV (for real, the score was 41-0) and had a fun time watching the guys around me make fun of the UNLV players that sat in front of us. (Except #68! He was awesome!!!) Then we went to the church and did trunk or treating with Averie and then Julie, Blake, Averie, Valerie, Kristin, and Kevin James hung out at Julie's only after going to Sonic and getting 50 cent corndogs for me Val and Kristin, and then ordering pizza (in which nobody communicated so we weren't ready with money when the pizza man got there) and then we watched The Blair Witch Project on OnDemand.......omg STUPID movie. Those people were so stupid and annoying and deserved to die...ok that was harsh but for real.

That's all, I'm very busy these days, but not in a good exciting way, in a boring, uneventful and makes me want to go to sleep early way.

excitement

2009-10-17T06:56:00.000-07:00

Things I'm excited for as of right now:

TEXAS/OU weekend is here and Texas is going to wiiiin! AGAIN!!
HOOK 'EM HORNS!!
TCU is number 8 in the nation!
This weekend is my first Mean Green homecoming
I get to do a small amount of shopping for some fall/winter clothes
My Halloween costume is going to be awesome!
I'm getting a couple of the hours that were taken from me back (at work)
The roomie and I are going to bake some Halloween cupcakes and are going to decorate the apartment with Fall looking decorations
We're halfway through the semester!
I got a new pretty red camera (because my old one busted..sad day) and it was on sale, then it was an additional 20% off :) hooray!
So far I haven't made below an 87 on any test this semester (key word so far..we'll see after this week) yay!
The two sweaters I really wanted from American Eagle have just been marked down!! Holla!
I watched Harry Potter and the Order of The Phoenix last night and it reminded me of how much I absolutely love Harry Potter!! I want to read the books....again.
New Moon comes out next month!!! Definitely going to go see it at midnight
aaaaand...GREEN RIVER ORDINANCE IS COMING TO DALLAS WITH DAVID COOK and I'm going and I am so exciiiited!!!! Because in case you didn't know, G.R.O. is my favorite band ever! :)

2009-10-03T07:55:00.001-07:00

I have come to the conclusion that I. love. fall. I think it's pretty much the best season out there (although come january or february I'll probably be ready for spring and be saying that spring is my favorite season).

why?
it's not too cold, yet not too warm. it's just nice and crisp.
two words: college football.
two more words: baseball playoffs.
i prefer fall wardrobe.
i prefer the cooler weather to the hot weather because i hate sweating.
the trees are all pretty colors.
and it's almost the christmas holidays.

I'm off to watch TCU win the Iron Skillet against SMU.....AGAIN. :)

Part 2. The Chaos, the aftermath, and the emotional side.

2009-09-16T08:27:00.000-07:00

(Disclaimer: I'm not preaching to anyone, these are just my thoughts and experiences. This is a long post, but it was a major event, and it's been 10 years of healing and getting over it)

Where I left off on the previous post was when I sitting in Bruce Shulkey Elementary (across the street from the church) with my Mom and youngest brother waiting to hear news of whether or not my older brother and my Dad were okay. As it turns out they were, my brother had some blood on his leg and shoe but it happened to be the blood that had been from the girl sitting behind him (I believe it was Cassie Griffin's blood). My dad was fine, he happened to have been sitting in the back of the sanctuary because at the time he was a helper/teacher in the youth group.

Picture at right: A man praying at Bruce Shulkey

We waited around for awhile later, most of us sitting in stunned silence, until it was clear to leave. My Dad and older brother had to go down to the police station to give statements and my Mom, my other brother and I went home. We all slept in the living room together that night, I had nightmares and my Mom had the news playing to hear more about who was injured and who was killed, and as you can imagine the phone was ringing off the hook. I had nightmares and was unable to sleep most of the night.

Early morning at dawn on September 16 press conference with Bro. Al

September 16, 1999 was probably even harder than the night before. Harder in the sense that the night before we didn't have much of an idea who had been shot, but after families and friends and ministers spent most of the night at the hospitals and the morgues identifying people the news was on it the next morning. It was also harder because while it was happening, and immediately after it was hard to grasp the concept of what was going on, how could there be a shooting like this so close to me? Why had God allowed a deranged man to come into my church and shoot people? And why had God allowed such precious people die in church of all places? I was only in 6th grade, but I was old enough to have these thoughts and to struggle with them.

After that point I just felt numb, I had cried all night the night before and I just couldn't do it anymore. My 11 year old mind could not grasp the concept that the church my church was not safe anymore; first school now church? I no longer felt safe anywhere, and every unexpected noise made me jump. I also developed a fear that stayed with me for about 8 more years, a fear that I would lose the people closest to me (in all reality I was most scared to lose my Mom, a fear I had to come to grips with later in life) and that something would happen and I would never see them again. That fear crippled me in some ways, but thankfully through the years I was able to work through that.

That Saturday, September 18, I went to 3 funerals, two of which I had a close personal relationship with (Shawn Brown was my Sunday school teacher and Sydney Browning was my choir director). I cried a little bit, but I still felt numb. The next day there was a huge memorial service held at the TCU football stadium and there were thousands of people there. There were TCU students mourning the loss of a fellow student (Kim Jones), there were churches from all over the city there, famous Christian musicians, even former President Bush (although he was Gov. Bush at that time). It was emotional, but it was also healing for all of those there.

Bro. Al Wedgwood's pastor at the memorial service at TCU on the top; on the bottom, a view of the crowd. Kim Jones' father and brother are in the bottom right corner.

After that, the healing started to begin. They tore up the carpets right after to replace due to the blood, but the first Sunday (the 18th) was held with folding chairs to replace missing pews, no carpet in the sanctuary or foyer. We were not going to let that stop us from worshipping in our church and that day God showed up more powerful that I had ever seen before. Of course there were news cameras and reporters everywhere, even during the funerals. The next Wednesday, exactly a week after the shooting, before they laid new carpet we were given the chance to take permanent markers and write notes to the deceased, notes about our accounts of what happened, letters and praises to God, even letters of forgiveness to Larry Ashbrook. That was one of the biggest indications of healing going on in our church, because though it was hard, we forgave him. By the time they were ready to lay carpet, every foot of the concrete had been written on, reading what had been written was one of the most humbling experiences because it allowed me to see what happened through the perspective of others.

Since then, it has been 10 years of grief, sadness, and pain, but it's also been 10 years of hope. I now know (as well as many others) that everything happens for a reason. Kathy Jo Rogers (Shawn Brown's widow) went on to remarry and have a family, she still grieves, but she has hope and has moved on. Justin Laird went on to graduate from TCU and because Debbie Gillet, the secretary of Wedgwood, kept in contact with him because of being injured, he met his now wife, her daughter Rebekah who was also there that night, through her. Even the Ashbrook family has moved on. Aaron Ashbrook, the brother of Larry Ashbrook, is now close friends with Kathy Jo Rogers and her family. (He says he is overwhelmed by the forgiveness he has received from our church. He is a sweet man and it was easy to look past the fact that his brother did this because God has given us peace about it.)

Aaron Ashbrook on the left, Kathy Jo Rogers on the right, at the memorial celebration last sunday night Sept. 13,2009

Every one's life was changed that night, but as Bro. Al has so often said throughout the last 10 years, we grieve, but we grieve with hope. It's been a slow journey, but we've come full circle over the past decade. It wasn't a good thing that happened by any means, but many good things came from it, and many people around the world began to put their faith and trust in God because of this. Because of this we, as a church, have been able to minister to others who have gone through similar situations like Virginia Tech, and the church in Maryville, Illinois that lost their Pastor when a man shot and killed him in the middle of the sermon. Many people that were there that night have gone around the country, even the world, sharing their testimonies reaching people of all denominations and cultures

Bro. Al on Sept. 13, 2009 preaching about the hope we have because "We Chose Joy".

Other pictures of the shooting and after:

collage of photos. on top: youth hugging each other outside of the church immediately after it was over. Middle: The pictures of those killed. Left-Right: Kristi Beckel, Shawn Brown, Sydney Browning, Joseph Ennis, Cassandra "Cassie" Griffin, Susan "Kim" Jones, Justin "Steggy" Ray. Bottom: a prayer group in the sanctuary after the carpet and pews were replaced.

Left: Rebekah (Gillet) Laird. Right: Justin Laird, paralyzed from a gunshot wound (He turned 16 on the day of the shooting)

A fire truck and police car in front of the church while investigators toured the building

Students embracing each other at a memorial service for one of the victims

A small prayer group formed to after the shooting

10 years. Part 1-Then

2009-09-15T06:20:00.000-07:00

Ten years ago today was one of the horrific nights of my life. It's been a decade, but I still remember it as if it was last night again.

On September 15, 1999 Larry Gene Ashbrook walked into my church [Wedgwood Baptist Church] with over 200 rounds of ammunition and a home-made pipe bomb. When he first walked in the South Foyer the first person he encountered was Jeff Laster, a custodian at the time, w

ho had been talking to a group of adults on a near by couch, walked over to him and asked him to put out the cigarette that he was smoking. Ashbrook then pulled out his gun and shot Laster in the abdomen. He then turned and shot fire at the others on the couch. He ended up hitting one woman, Sydney Browning (36), in the head immediately killing her, and grazing the back of the head of Jaynanne Brown (she was was not further injured) while the others did what they could to hide and protect themselves.

He moved down the hall and encountered Kevin Galey, who is on staff as a counselor. Kevin was trying to protect some women from what he thought was paintballs for a skit and ended up getting shot in the hip and in the chest. Ashbrook then moved down the hall and encountered Shawn Brown (23) shooting him and killing him seconds after Jay Fannin, the y

outh minister, called for Shawn to call 9-1-1.

He then shot out a window in a door to the sanctuary and walked into the sanctuary where a Youth Rally was being held with a live band to celebrate the morning's See You At The Pole events. There are different stories about what actually happened in there, but most agree that he paced the back of the sanctuary firing shots, and yelling obscenities. He walked halfway down one of the aisles and threw the homemade pipe bomb and it rolled to the front against the Lord's Supper table, when it exploded it went up, not out injuring no one but leaving soot and debree some of which is still there to this day. Through the whole time he kept yelling obscenities and shooting. There were hundreds of people in there but only five people were killed and five more people were injured within the sanctuary. Towards the end a man by the name of Jeremiah Neitz stood up and said something along the lines of "No sir, you need Jesus. [Ashbrook pointed his gun at him yelling] Go ahead and shoot me, I know where I'm going, what about you?" Ashbrook sat down on the pew against the wall and shot

and killed himself.

When it was all over with 7 were injured, Kevin Galey, Jeff Laster, Robert DeBoard, Justin Laird, Mary Beth Talley, and two others. 7 more were killed that night, Sydney Browning (36), Shawn Brown (23), Cassandra Griffin (14), Kristi Beckel (14), Joseph Ennis (14), Susan 'Kim' Jones (23), Justin 'Steggy' Ray (17), along with Larry Gene Ashbrook (47).

When it was all over with the aftermath was complete chaos. There were abulances, police officers, firemen and fire trucks everywhere. Parents were searching for their children, people were in gropus crying and praying. I waited in the school across the street for hours, I was in sixth grade, waiting with my Mom and brother waiting to hear news about whether or not my Dad and brother were okay..

(Part 2 to come later)

falling in love with fall

2009-09-14T07:50:00.000-07:00

Reasons why I am excited it's finally fall

I get to wear sweaters and hoodies without sweating my ass off

College Football. Enough said.

Baseball Post-Season

NFL Football

Cooler weather

Plenty of rainy days/cold days that I can stay inside and lay bundled in the covers watching movies and reading books

It's a lot closer to Christmas, which I love!

New Moon comes out in November

I love summer clothes, but more than that I love wearing sweaters, scarves, cute jackets, and boots
I can eat soup and not feel weird about it since it's not hot outside

college football + rain = awesome

2009-09-12T08:32:00.000-07:00

*edit* I do not know what I was thinking...

It's a Saturday in September.....everyone knows what that means....COLLEGE FOOTBALL! It's currently raining (and has been non stop since last night) so I've decided to bypass going to my first ever UNT football game and instead I'm going to hang out with the best friend (in the warmth rather than the cold rain) and watch some Longhorn football (and probably sooner football...gross). I have to say though, as much as I love summer and BASEBALL(boy do I love me some baseball..) I am so ready for fall and [college] football. Even though it's raining constantly, I am in a good mood :)

I am ready for the season to get under way for football (and to finally see what's going to happen for post season baseball but that's a different issue).

My teams are:

Number 2.

University of Texas Longhorns.

Now I don't love Colt McCoy quite as much as I loved Vince Young, but he's grown on me, with his goofy boyish looks and excellent arm and talent. Plus I was born in ATX so I'll always be a Longhorn fan. PLUS they're amazing, just saying.

Number 1:

Texas Christian University Horned Frogs

Let's face it, I LOVE TCU and TCU football, Andy Dalton is amazing (and super hot) & they have the best uniforms ever! The end. Oh and they were the only school with both defense and offense in the top 4 and they had an undefeated regular season..just sayin....Riff Ram

~~Number 3~~

~~University of North Texas Mean Green~~

UNT sucks. the end.

Number 4

University of Missouri Tigers

Not my favorite team but they are my Big XII North team so I cheer for them when necessary

Finally

Number 5

~~University of Florida Gators~~ I don't care about the Gators really..especially since Tebow graduated

I really only cheered for them last year because they played against ou for the BCS championship title, but as I watched I saw just how talented they are. Tim Tebow (aka Superman) is a Heisman winner and was so awesome, and it made me want to cheer for them again this year.

update

2009-09-02T11:02:00.000-07:00

It's September and school has started, therefore summer is officially over...Here's a rundown of what's been going on..

School (American Lit and Statistics especially) are going to kick my ass, mainly because of the horribly boring topics presented in these classes
Riding the bus back to my apartment at night suuucks, especially when having to wait 20 + minutes for it
I have been able to leave my car parked on Tuesdays and Thursdays without moving it at all, therefore saving me gas seeing as I have to drive to FW literally every other day
I found a Taco Bell and Chick Fil A on campus.....that's not good for mah body or mah wallet
I of course got put in the group (for one of my psychology classes) with the guy who does not shut up at all, and what do you know? He's our group leader!
The Roomie and I are getting caught up on seasons 1 & 2 of Gossip Girl so on Sept 14 we can watch season 3 premier (only after One Tree Hill's premier!)
Went dress shopping with the best friend and picked out both of our dresses for her wedding in April
realized that it's been almost 10 years, and I can see that without a doubt I would not be the person I am if that hadn't happened
Getting ready to go see my wonderful Grannie and my favorite Aunt this weekend since it's a 3-day weekend
I broke my camera and now I'm trying to figure out a way to get a new one since I'm a poor college student

2009-08-22T07:19:00.000-07:00

I am a great big ball of nerves. I start school in less than a week. It's so crazy, because I've spent a mojority of my college career at TCC (Tarrant County College) and now I'm moving on to bigger and better things. I have complete mixed emotions about going to UNT (University of North Texas); on the one hand I'm excited about starting school in a new town (even if it is only 40-45 minutes away from Fdub) and I'm excited to finally get my major going (even though right now, I'm still technically a "pre" major) and to meet new people. I don't feel like I've had the "full college experience" yet because being at TCC, I really had no desire to make friends because I didn't want to be there, but hopefully I can do that here. On the other hand, my dream school is TCU (Texas Christian University) and it's in my hometown which I love and I absolutely hate having to drive so much, being away from my friends, and being so far away from everything.

Even though I have negative feelings about being in Denton, I'm trying to look at the positive. I'm trying to focus on the fact that there is going to be a much greater chance for me to grow into the person that I would like to be, becaus I won't be held down to who I've always been because I will no longer be where I grew up, and it's not like it's completely terrible to drive to FW (I'll be doing it 3-4 times a week, and I've been doing it 6-7 days a week) and I've got my schedule to where I only have to work 3 times a week and I go to school 2 days a week.

On the whole nerves issue though, I haven't been to school since last fall and going to TCC was like a glorified high school (at least for me...I hated TCC, I'll just say that much) so I know UNT will be harder, and I've been out of the swing of things for so long. I feel like I'm starting kindergarten and I have to get my school supplies ready and my outfit ready for the first day....wow ha ha I'm 21 years old, I CAN DO THIS!! :)

2009-08-12T09:19:00.000-07:00

So last night I had a movie night with my roommie because we're just awesome like that. We watched I love you man, which was so funny, and then we watched 17 Again. While I wouldn't say it is my favorite movie, it's still pretty decent, but I could watch it over and over and over for one reason. That reason? Because Zac Efron is so effing hot. I sound like a crazy obsessed teenage girl (which I'm not! I swear) but seriously he is hot! He is my main celeb crush (although Chad Michael Murray is way up there) and he's a quadruple threat. He can sing, he can dance, he can act AND he is sexy!

Come on....hot. I'm kind of ashamed (but not at the same time) to admit that he is my background image on my macbook. :) hehe

perfection?

2009-08-08T08:01:00.000-07:00

This is just something I've been thinking about a lot.

I am just so tired of being "perfect" or, at least always trying to be, because I'll be the first to admit that I am far from it. Trying to be this person that I think I'm supposed to be, or trying to live up to people's expectations is just getting to be too much. It's stressful, tiring, frustrating and hard. I've always tried to live up to being this perfect person, and it never ends up turning out good. The only version of "perfect" I can be is the perfect Me. I'm done trying to be what everybody else wants me to to be. I've done that for entirely too long, ESPECIALLY when it comes to guys. Usually when I meet a guy that I like I try to be what I think he wants, and that never works, because for one, they leave at the first sign of me showing my true self (or worse, I never show my true self and I end up not be as happy as I should be), or I don't get it right and what I try to be isn't even what they really want.

So with that being said, I'm done with "perfect". I'm just going to embrace ME because how can I expect anyone to love me, if I don't love me? So, I'm just going to be a perfect me. I'm not the girl that is always going to say the right thing and I might piss you off. But I am someone who always tries to make the people I love happy, someone who sometimes laughs at inappropriate times, who is a perfectionist at heart but usually gives into her lazy side, I'm competitive and will always always root for my teams no matter what, I love Jesus and music, I'm a pretty damn good friend, and I'm someone who if given the chance, will love you more than anything.

2009-08-05T08:41:00.000-07:00

I. Am. Stressed. Out.

I am such a mess right now. Litterally. My apartment, my car, and myself haha. I've been stressing out and not really gotten much done, so the amount of random shit and clutter around my apartment, room, and in my car is stressing me out even more. But I'm getting most of it figured out today, at least when it comes to financial aid/rent/loans etc. And after all of that is done I'm going to clean and ORGANIZE because it is litterally driving me insane.

On another note, I've decided that before I die, I want to visit every Major League Baseball stadium in the country (and Toronto too, because they are apart of the MLB too). I bought a map and I'm going to cross off each one. I've already been to Rangers Ballpark in Alrington (duh), Old Yankee Stadium, and Orioles Park in Baltimore. Although I'm only counting it if I have either a picture that I took, or a ticket stub as proof. Last night I looked through my pictures and actually found one of Yankee Stadium (which is good because it's gone now) even though in the picture you can't really tell much that it is Yankee Stadium, I still got it so it counts! and I have to look to see if I have a picture or if I still have my ticket stub for Baltimore otherwise I'm going to have to go again. Thankfully I'll more than likely be able to kill two birds with one stone for several of them (meaning I'll be able to visit more than just one on the same trip for several of them). Excitement!

2009-08-04T11:31:00.000-07:00

So, obviously I fail at life because I haven't updated this thing in almost two weeks. Sue me. But really, I've just been pretty burnt out lately with just life in general so I haven't really felt the need, or desire, or had anything to update about. I have decided that as much as I feel that Denton is the fail, I'm ready for school to start. I'm hoping that once school starts, and I start meeting people and I won't have to drive to effing Fort Worth (even though I love it so much...) ever day and I can actually enjoy time at home without feeling tired or stressed out, maybe Denton won't be so bad..? I hope so at least...

..actually I'm kind of hoping that when school starts maybe I'll meet cute boys, boys (or really all I need is one) that are not stupid, players, or think they're God's gift to the world. Actually, boy isn't the right word, man? but that sounds stupid...I'm looking for a man haha how lame...but I guess that would be the right word. I'm so tired of dating just to date. Really. I'm not saying that I'm ready to settle down right now and get married and all (because I'm not) but I'm not far off from the age that I want to get married by. I probably sound crazy, but when all of your friends are in happy relationships and you're not, you're just there, single, by yourself it kind of makes you feel like you're missing something. And I know, I know, I shouldn't be trying to base my happiness on relationships, but really, when I'm sitting here watching my friends be all lovey dovey with their boyfriends/girlfriends it just sucks. I've done the whole single thing and dating casually thing, and I've been truely happy. But then I get some hope of being someone who I actually like and it just doesn't happen, the rejection, no matter how justified it is, is still there. One more reason to feel not good enough. One more reason for those self-devestating feelings, and thoughts to flood my mind. I know that this shouldn't be the sole basis of my happiness, and it's not, kind of. It's just hard to be surrounded by it all, when you don't have it, and that's all you really want.

I sound so crazy right now..but I don't care. Hopefully I'll get over it, or even better, hopefully I'll find someone. Really, all I want is a guy that's truely nice, honest, really likes me, wants to be with me, takes care of me, makes me laugh, enjoys my presence and I his, likes baseball (of course!) and has most of the core beliefs that I have, oh and really cute! Idk..it doesn't seem like too much to ask right?

Hmmm...

Room re-do, training, and $7 appliances

2009-07-23T08:38:00.000-07:00

So, last night, my lovely roomie and I took a trip to Target. While there I bought a new comfortor which is so cute! I love it a lot. It's like yellow, and pink, and orange, and green, and of course, purple. Because of my cheapness I bought it as part of the College '09 collection they have there (which, by the way I love because everything is so cute, and cheap) and I got it for I think just over $25. Also, to add to my room, I bought a wall poster of the New York City Skyline and I looove it!

Ok so, while at Target I found a $7 sandwhich maker which I bought because it was so awesome, and might I add, makes a damn good sandwhich! The roomie bought a blender that was only like $13 and so for dinner we had sandwhiches and smoothies :) .

Now on to the training portion. I had to be at training at the downtown branch at 7:30 this morning (15 minutes earlier than if I opened on a normal day) and I sat through 2 hours of this lady talking, who by the way was very passionate about her job, about this new accounts promotion. It was pretty gruesome and I almost got in trouble for laughing because the guy sitting next to me kept writing stuff on his notepad making me crack up. But the good news is, we had these questions to answer and then our names were put in a drawing and mine got drawn and I won a $25 mastercard gift card! Yay! (PS who friggin uses mastercard? It's all about Visa...come on.)

Oh and while at training, the lady was talking about texting and all this to give an example on how the customer's needs are training. I got outed and was found that out of the 9 people in that session, I text the most haha. And by me texting the most I mean by a lot (like last fall when the guy I was dating at the time was 2000 miles away, we sent like 12000 or so messages in a month, although that was just for one month, idk about the rest. I don't text nearly that much now.)

Another side note..I find it very annoying when you have chapstick/lipgloss whatever on and then you eat something and get crumbs or something stuck on your lips. Gross.

Happy Thursday, bring on the weekend! :)

exhaustion, fort worth, making people laugh, and argyle socks

2009-07-20T07:31:00.000-07:00

I think once you turn 21...your physical well-being goes dowwwn hill. I can no longer stay up late and get up early! It's really rediculous because I'm so exhausted. Although, I'm pretty sure it's my fault...at least partly cause it sure isn't completely my fault :) lol.

I think I'm beginning to miss Fort Worth. I know I only live about 40 minutes away, give or take a few, but I miss living there. I hate living so freaking far away, but I do. Don't get my wrong, I love my roomie, and my cute apartment (sans decorations) but I really miss F-dub. Maybe I'm getting "home sick", but can you really get it when you live so close (yet so far)? I'm in Fort Worth basically everyday for work, and most of my friends live in Fort Worth so I'm really here all the time (like right now, I'm in Fdub) but I hate that I live so far away. When I work on a saturday, then have plans that night in FW I have to find something to do for the entire afternoon otherwise I have to waste all of that gas to drive back to Denton unneceessarily because I'm already here. And I would like to add, I was (and still kind of am) excited about UNT it'll be a new chapter of my life, but, I really really miss TCU. I would love nothing more than to be able to go back. If I hadn't gone there and done band, there are so many friendships I never would have made.

Ok so, I wouldn't say my "goal" in life is to be a comedian and make people laugh all the time, but I do enjoy it. There's just something about the feeling you get when you say or do something and the people around you laugh with you. So, with that being said, I was granted that feeling when, on Friday night, I turned on Swagga Like Us and rapped for Nathan. Haha. He laughed at me so hard...and I would to lol. He thought it was hilarious and it made me smile :).

Saturday night, I got to rock the knee-high argyle socks, khaki shorts, and bowling shoes. Can I just say that it was probably the hottest thing you'll ever see, and can I also say that I suck at bowling? My high score was a 77. That's pathetic. But thankfully this time during cosmic bowling there were very few Disney songs..

Fridays are just awesome!

2009-07-18T08:43:00.000-07:00

So, minus the fact that I had to close yesterday, it was pretty great!

Lunch at with N.C. then at work, I had an eventful time meeting a Drug Dealer! haha..I was kind of scared for my life, but I'm good. No harm done.

Then, after work, N.C. and I drove downtown to see Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince! Now, I was expecting a little more action and they left a few things out, but all in all it was still great! I don't think N.C. liked it that much, he hadn't seen any of the ones before and he seemed a little bored...oh well, he said it was worth it to see it with me :)

After the movie, went went to Billy Miners to eat (yum) and then went home and watched part of Slumdog Millionaire with the roomie and her bf.

I believe girls night is tonight and DCI tomorrow so it should all be fun :) I love the weekends..

Always. Sometimes. Never.

2009-07-16T14:20:00.000-07:00

I got this from http://girlwiththeredhair.com/ and decided to do this as well! enjoy!

I always…

make sure to turn my money facing the same direction, and unfolded whether I'm at work or in my wallet
yell at people in the car if they're not going fast enough, but then feel guilty when I pass them and actually see them
watch the news in the mornings before work
think about food
trust people's intentions and then are really hurt when I see they were fake
plan things. I'm not spontaneous at all..although I try to be
imagine myself being outgoing and friendly but I usually shy away
clean things to utter perfection or not at all..because I'm a perfectionist and it's all or nothing
sing in the car with the music up loud
procrastinate

I sometimes…

Get the urge to completely clean
would rather lay around rather than taking a shower and getting cleaned up (but I usually shower anyways)
watch a movie multiple times in a week
obsess over something/someone I like...like music, movies, people, etc.
would rather eat nothing than get up and make something
pay my bills a day late because I forget them until it's too late to pay on time
would rather go shopping rather than pay my bills
wish I could go back
miss old friendships

I never…

do anything car related by myself
(unless its a few select people) open myself up because of past hurts..something I'm working on fixing
let people walk all over me
keep my room spotless for more than a week..then I have to clean again
realized how precious life is, or time with loved ones was until 2 years ago
read an entire chapter of a text book in school

Dork alert! Go ahead and judge me.

2009-07-15T07:17:00.000-07:00

Go ahead and judge me for what follows..

I LOVE HARRY POTTER. I didn't get to go see it at midnight last night, BUT N-Crow (That's what I'm gonna call him..haha) has agreed to go see it with me on Friday even though he's not really a big fan of HP. However, he is awesome and respects and likes my dorkyness enough to actually act like he really wants to see it :) . I. AM. SO. EXCITED. And I'm jealous of everyone who has seen it already. The sixth and seventh books were definately my favorites so I can't wait to see them portrayed.

I didn't start reading the books until this past September (with a little push might I add) and I couldn't believe I hadn't read them before. I absolutely love them, and I would come in everyday and have a conversation about HP with my coworker who had already read them.

While we're on HP, I must say, I don't think they could have picked a better person to fit the characters of Harry, Ron, and Hermionie.

Excitement. Excitement. Excitement.

Ok I'm done being a dork.

new friends+old friends+swimming+alcohol+drinking games=basically awesome

2009-07-13T03:16:00.000-07:00

This weekend has definately been the highlight of my summer (so far).

Thursday night:
Went to Billy Bob's, we danced and drank and of course had a good time. Then we went to Ole' South to eat (because of course! it's tradition!) and then went to some random guys house because he was "having people over" but he wasn't..so we didn't stay long. All in all I ended up getting home at approximately 4:45 am..but it was worth it.

Friday night:
Swimming & Grilling out at Melissa's house. (First time to go swimming this summer might I add.) I got to meet some new friends (Nathan, Krystal, and Stephen..and the other Steven but I felt like I had already known him forever..it was just the first I'd met him in person) and I hung out with old friends from high school. That was one of the funnest nights I've had in a long time.

Me, Melissa, Megan, Krystal (new facebook friends!!)

I'm not really sure what this one is...

Nathan floating on the big flower

Krystal and Stephen vs. Melissa and Steven
..Melissa had a very difficult time getting up

Nathan on top, Stephen (Crowley) in the middle, Steven (Brayman) on the bottome
...this one did not work..

Me, Megan, Krystal and Melissa decided to do our own thing..and it was better!

Everyone (minus Margaret because she took the picture)

we had to hold the boys up to try to make it work...it still didn't..

Saturday night:
drinking + cards at Nathan's (..or Crowley..whatever you want to call him) ghetto apartment. We sent people on a beer run, and we barely finished the beer we bought in the first place, but I (as well as Melissa, Nathan and Krystal) got drunk! haha

Me & Krystal

Me & Nathan (he was pretty gone by this point)

I was shuffling cards....the face? yeah, I don't know..

Sunday:
I stayed at Crowley's apartment because I didn't want to drive home...drunk. Haha. So we chilled all day and did nothing....absolutely nothing. Then we went to Olive Garden at oh, around 6:30. I felt like such a lazy ass, but it felt so nice to not have to do anything.

Basically...BEST WEEKEND EVER. So far..haha :)

2009-07-11T11:51:00.000-07:00

This has been one of the funnest weekends I've had in SO long. more updates later....along with pictures :)

on the other hand..

RIP Mr. Raupe.

(he was my government teacher in high school..) sad day :(

2009-07-09T09:50:00.000-07:00

So I was pretty sure that I was a part-time teller. This week I'm working 40 hours, next week I'm working 40 hours, Last week I worked 38 hours, two weeks from now I'll be working 42 hours. That sounds a lot like full-time. My check is going to be pretty nice, but dear Lord its exhausting! Exactly two weeks from today I have to be at the main FW branch at 7:30 in the morning (7:30! I don't usually have to be here until 7:45 if I'm opening!) probably before because I'm pretty sure that they are starting at 7:30, then my training is done at 9:30, I have to be back here at 9:45 then I'm working until 6. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME. And then the others are going to training at 11:45 so that means that I have to eat before then because they're not coming back until 3:15..if they even come back. I swear that day will make me want to shoot myself.

I'm so ready for my day off tomorrow...

pure exhaustion

2009-07-08T13:51:00.000-07:00

I. am. exhausted.

this week has been, and will continue to be, long. I'm working just over 40 hours (before breaks) without even working Friday.

Monday, Tuesday and Thursday are all 9 hour days; today is a 10 hour day (if you want to get technical, 10 hours and 15 minutes) and 3 hours and 15 minutes on Saturday. I was only supposed to work about 35 hours this week, which crammed into 4 days is still a lot, but the new girl quit on Monday without warning (her grandmother called, she didn't even call or come in). So, that kind of put us into a panic because she quit, and we had one officer on vacation and one teller already on vacation and another teller that has an internship at Lockheed for the summer and only works every other Friday and Saturday (which luckily is this week). So I got asked to work open to close today, and work on Saturday.

Now I'm not complaining because I agreed to working more hours, they didn't force me to, and my check is going to be a pretty nice size check, but it's just exhausting. Now that I'm in Denton, I have to drive about 45 minutes one way every day so that puts me leaving my apartment at either 6:55 or 8 every morning (depending on what time I come in) and getting home just before 7, so by the time I get home and eat dinner or do whatever errands I have to do after work it's already close to 8 o'clock (if not after) and I'm just exhausted and I don't usually want to do anything but go to bed early.

This weekend isn't looking too relaxing either (not that it's a bad thing because I actually have plans this weekend).

Tomorrow night I'm going to Billy Bob's with friends
Friday I have lunch with an old friend (which I'm really excited about because I haven't seen her in forever) and then I have a grilling, drinking, and swimming party at a friend's house who I haven't seen in a few months.
Then Saturday is work, lunch with my best friend and then a baby shower for another friend who I haven't seen in approximately forever as well!
Sometime this weekend I'm supposed to watch the Harry Potter movies (1-5) with my roomie so she's all caught up before going to see HP 6 (which I got her to agree to see with me!)

***************************************
In efforts to focus my blog a little more, I've made a separate blog for writing about baseball and all that fun stuff, so check it out if you would like to! http://baseball-love.blogspot.com/

The Bachelorette

2009-07-06T17:59:00.000-07:00

I just want to talk about the Bachelorette because it's my guilty pleasure.

I'm sitting here watching the Bachelorette and there are only 4 guys left out of 30.

I hate Wes. He's the biggest douche bag ever. EVER.

My favorite is a tie between

Kyptan Reid

If Wes goes home, I wouldn't really care who wins, but Ed left and came back...he chose to leave and hurt her and then wants to come back.

(photos courtesy of abc.com)

2009-07-06T08:22:00.000-07:00

So..

4th of July weekend was, well, 4th of July weekend. (4th of July is not my favorite holiday to celebrate..don't get my wrong, I love America, but I just don't get a lot out of celebrating. I usually try to go see fireworks but that's it.) Friday night I rented a movie and did nothing because my lovely roommate was in the Fort for the evening because her cousin is getting baptised? and my previous plans for the night fell through..so I just stayed home, which usually doesn't bother me because I do enjoy my alone time occasionally but that particular night I wanted to go do something.

Saturday, I cleaned, took my time getting ready, then myself, the roommate and her bf went to the Fort to her house to eat brisket with her bro. Then JFlo came over and we drank some beer and Smirnoff and had some of those Popsicles that are red white and blue (boom pops?) and headed over to the Trinity River for some fireworks...
...so this was the irritating part. Online it said that the fireworks were supposed to start at 9:30 (after the FW Cat's game). Now, everyone is aware of how much I loove baseball, but come on...14 innings. The fireworks started at 11:35...so we sat outside for over 2 hours waiting and all I wanted was to see some damn fireworks!

Sunday we I had brunch with Kayla (yumm I haven't had real breakfast food in quite some time) and then went to target and to the mall. At target I found this picture or whatever and it is a subway sign from New York (Awesome!) and then I found a picture of the old Yankee Stadium which was equally as awesome (minus the fact that it was YANKEES. gross) and a poster of the NY City skyline which was beautiful. SO I think I'm going to buy those for my room and have a NY theme :) because I love me some New York. (Although, probably not the Yankees picture because...well obviously.)
Sunday evening Hayley, Oscar and I went to the Rangers game and it was fantastic. It was only in the upper 80's (maybe lower 90's) and the Rangers won..although no HR..gay. However, Lemon Chill guy up in our section was really cute, so they decided to try to hook me up with him so they told the freaking Margarita guy that I thought he was cute. Embarrassing, although I don't think he told him.

*Can I just say that I am PISSED that Ian Kinsler did not make the All-Star team. 19 HR vs 2. Granted Boston is my second favorite team, but come on. I voted so much. Ugh. Now he's up for the last man roster spot. He'd better get it. Josh Hamilton got it and he's been on the Disabled List...now I love me some Hammie Hammie but he's been hurt, and he gets it over Kinsler? Not cool...and Millwood should have gotten in too..he's been playing good this season.*

Side note: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince comes out in about a week. I'm (re)starting the book tonight. Fan-freaking-tastic. Exciting. Amazing. Excellent. All of those words describe the up coming movie, and the Harry Potter series in general. (I'm ridiculous..I know.)

life is good....in this current moment

2009-07-03T10:06:00.000-07:00

Today is jean day at work. Jean days always make me happy because they're always tied to some kind of theme....in the past we've had Dallas Mavericks Friday, Texas Rangers Friday (my FAAAVORITE), Dallas Cowboys Friday, Halloween, Red/Green/White day every Friday in December (and Christmas Eve), TCU Friday, and now 4th of July Friday! And not only do we get to wear jeans, but there's always cookies, or pizza, and always balloons (except in today's case, there's a lot of American flags...someone even said overkill...I say you're a freaking killjoy thank you very much.)

I've been very irritable lately and always in a bad mood, but today I'm bubbly and happy and ME, and I love it. I think it's because I get to wear my favorite pair of pants ever.... which happen to be American Eagle Boyfriend jeans Indigo. I love love love them....actually, I like any kind of American Eagle jeans...i have 5 pairs (out of 13...heheh).

I just cleaned out my purse....and I can't believe the insane amount of things (completely random shit) I carry around with me...it's ridiculous I promise you.
-receipts..
-ear buds for when I workout
-ipod nano for my trek to work and back
-cell phone..obviously
-makeup bag because I'm physically incapable of doing all of my makeup prior to getting to work
-about 7 pens
-vitamins
-PMS medicine and all of the fun stuff with that
-two pairs of sunglasses because sometimes I might want to wear my aviators and sometimes I might want to wear my regular awesome ones
-wallet
-credit/debit card because I am also physically incapable of putting my card back into my wallet
-my key/card to get into my apartment because I live in a glorified freaking dorm...yes the keys like hotel rooms
-camera not in a case...stupid I know
-nail polish
-travel size scope
-dental floss
-two different kinds of deodorant
-earrings
-pack of gum
-nail file
-random coins floating around
-keys for work
-current book that I'm reading...right now it happens to be Chasing Harry Winston.

like I said...ridiculous. :)

2009-07-03T08:27:00.000-07:00

HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY WEEKEND!

The amazing Washington Monument in D.C. (There's two pictures because I loove D.C.)

Fireworks at The Rangers Ballpark in Arlington... :)

Fireworks in New York because...

I hope everyone has a good Fourth of July weekend, and that nobody get's put in jail for D.U.I. ;)

my weekend will include:

fireworks in fort worth tomorrow night

Rangers game sunday night (Hamilton will *hopefully* be playing!!)

2009-07-02T18:50:00.000-07:00

I feel like a mess...like for real. I think I need to do some serious cleaning/organizing this weekend. It's beginning to stress me out...everywhere I go. Blaaahh. Plus work and driving so much is wearing me out...I feel like I have no life double blah..

Something I've realized about myself recently... I'm very neurotic and very much a perfectionist (the biggest reason I've been feeling so stressed and feel like such a mess lately) and I'm slightly narcissistic...haha I care a lot about how I look, especially lately. Haha...

I don't have much else to say....hopefully life will get more interesting soon.... :)

PS Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince in 13 days!!

Books, Books, and more Books

2009-06-30T08:15:00.000-07:00

So I'm done reading the four Twilight books (read all of them in a two week period..that's a record for me), and now I don't know what to read. I grabbed HP 1 on the way out of the house today so I'd have something to read..but I don't know if I feel like reading them again yet. I think I'm going to try to grab a book on my lunch, but I don't even know what to get.

..with all of this down time at work, I have rekindled my love for books, well, good books. I used to read all the time, but then I hated it. Now, if I have a good book I'm set..and it's kind of nice. I think I'm going to try to start a new relationship with my local library...now I just need suggestions on what to read :)

Just a side note on my favorite books that I have read recently and a little on why..

*P.S. I Love You - Cecilia Ahern - Love love loved this book...it's what got me back into reading
*My Sister's Keeper- Jodi Picoult - Sad, but good enough to not be able to put it down
*Love, Rosie - Cecilia Ahern - I just love any book by her..
*Beyond Belief (Josh Hamilton biography) - SO good..I finished in 2 days. Left me with a greater respect for J Ham
*Safe At Home- Alyssa Milano- Definately made me appreciate the game more
*Harry Potter series - J.K. Rowling - Um lets just say AWESOME
*Twilight saga - Stephanie Meyer - Way way better than I ever thought it would be...I couldn't put it down or stop thinking about it
*He's Just Not That Into You- Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo - freaking hilarious and insightful

:)

2009-06-29T16:59:00.000-07:00

So I'm a little embarrassed to admit this, buuuut....

I'm so ecstatic about Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince coming out!!!!!

********************************************************************

I'm watching The Bachelorette and I absolutely adore Jillian. She is so cute, and she has the best name in the world :) .

I'm a little sad because one of my favorites from the very beginning went home..Jake. He was so cute and so sweet, but she said he was "too perfect". But my favorites now are number 1 Jesse, then Kyptan and Michael. I hate hate hate Wes. He is the biggest douche bag EVER.

The Bachelorette is my guilty pleasure. I watch it every week... hehe :)

2009-06-24T18:49:00.000-07:00

Ok so for the past week and a half (approximately) I've been reading the Twilight series and can ask, why the hell are they so damn addicting? Go ahead, judge me, I know I said I would never read the books, or watch the movies but I did...sue me I don't care. I did not want to like the books, or movies or anything because it was about vampires and I thought it was stupid. But, I'm addicted. Exactly like the Harry Potter books. Damn you Stephanie Meyer! I would like to say. The movie was kind of ehhhh. The book was a lot better. On a scale of 1-10 I'd say it was maybe a 8 or 8.5 on the favorite scale..the movie would be down at like a 4 maaaybe 5. Thankfully though, I'm not obsessed :)

Being addicted is not cool. On that note I have been reading a lot and I like it. If anyone has any suggestions on what to read next (since I'm halfway done with the fourth book) please share :)

Now on a completely different note, some celebrity drama I'm tired of?

Jon & Kate plus 8. Seriously. It is so annoying when every time I turn around there is more drama. I only watched the show a few times but really, I knew they were going to eventually get a divorce and yes, that's really sad, but why all the drama too? Isn't getting a divorce, especially with 8 kinds and having the whole country know about it bad enough? Give it a rest please.

I am getting on the summer train. I'm increasing my summer wardrobe, as well as bringing back the summer hairstyles and bright pink nails. Excellent :) And I just bought a whole bunch of food today that I can actually cook rather than going out to eat, excellent that's real good :) Another good thing is the Rangers are doing good tonight..maybe they're finally going to win a game seeing as they've lost what was it 5 in a row? or maybe 4? Regardless, it's unacceptable. I sure miss Josh Hamilton.

2009-06-17T06:23:00.000-07:00

Tonight, I am going to the Texas vs. Houston game and I am exciiiiited! I always get excited before a game. I absolutely love the atmosphere of a baseball game, and let's be honest, baseball guys are hot!

Jarrod Saltalamacchia....mmmmmmm. I wouldn't say he's my favorite, simply because he isn't greeeeat just yet....yet I have faith he'll end up being unstoppable :) .....buuut he is so hot, O-M-G.

Ian Kinsler....he is definitely at the head of the list of best players on the Rangers, even throughout the AL. He's a little goofy looking at times, but he's still cute, and his talent is impressive. He is without a doubt my favorite (that's a close race though..). Oh and I just read that he had a lead off home run last night, as well as another later in the game. (FYI lead off means he was the first for the Rangers to bat and he got a home run first time around.) :D

(2008 Home-Run Derby. Set a record with 28 Home runs in the first round)

Josh Hamilton...I am beyond impressed with him. His story and his ability to come back (although he's been out twice due to injuries this year) is amazing, and I know I know it's kind of like the prodigal son and blah blah blah but his come back has been amazing. He's a very good ball player, and he's shown that he really wants to be here, giving up drugs to do it. He is a very very close second to Ian Kinsler in my favorite column.

Summer is my favorite season, because of baseball, and all of the other amazingness summer brings including cute clothes, swimming, and hot boys :)

Pet peeves

2009-06-15T06:06:00.000-07:00

One of my pet peeves: People who make excuses.

Seriously. I know I'm not perfect in that I make excuses from time to time, but it still drives me crazy (even when I do it). I just hate when people have too make up excuses to cover for mistakes or laziness. It's just annoying to me. Whenever I watch the show Made, on MTV, it drives me crazy because about halfway through the show these people are so full of excuses for not doing things because they're tired, or it hurts or blah blah blah. It is so damn annoying and frustrating, be honest and own up to your shit people. We used to have a saying painted on the wall in our band hall back in high school, it said "Results not Excuses" which is perfect because the more excuses you make without results the stupider you look, so have fun with that.

And pet peeve number 2:

People who think they are God's gift to the world. Example: Spencer Pratt. That guy pisses me off. djkla;jdlja;l. And then the people who feel the need to brag about every little thing. Always saying, I did this, I did that. All of my managers love me. Or I'm the best one. blah blah blah. It is as equally annoying as excuses.

Pet peeve number 3:

People who wait until the last minute to plan anything I really don't mind spontaneity, but when I'm trying to plan something and you can't say one way or another if you're going to go it is really annoying. And it drives me crazy when they can't plan to do something ahead of time, it's always ok lets go do whatever in an hour with no prior warning. a-n-n-o-y-i-n-g. OH and people changing plans last minute. AND people running late without calling (ehm I think she knows who I'm talking about....this one I've had to live with forever).

Pet peeve number 4:

People who can't drive correctly. Whether it be people who can't drive the speed limit, or people who don't obey signs, or (and this one is a big one) people who don't use their DAMN blinkers! Especially when cutting people off. I mean seriously, people might be a little nicer and let you over if you actually signal that you need to get over and be paaatient.

Pet peeve number 5:

People who have a problem with me and don't tell me. Hell, I usually don't know what it is that I could have possibly done wrong, so when you don't tell me, how the hell am I supposed to know, and fix it? I've lost friendships over this because people can't speak up! As much as I wish I could read minds, I cannot.

2009-06-11T10:14:00.000-07:00

I am currently reading My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult and while reading it, it's really got me thinking about some things. (I haven't finished I won't be telling how it ends.)

So in this book the oldest daughter (Kate) has acute promyelocytic leukemia and the youngest daughter (Anna) was born to be a blood, and bone marrow donor for her. They have kept Kate alive for about 14 years after she was diagnosed with APL, but the thing is, she isn't really living; and while she is constantly in and out of the hospital, Anna has to be in the hospital too. The whole point of the book is that Anna is tired of being a donor for Kate and while she can't imagine life without her sister, she feels it's unfair that she has to be put through all of these proceedures and can never do anything she wants. Kate begins to have renal failure and is in need of a new kidney. The constant in and out of the hospital and always having to have Anna give blood and more blood, and now Kate needing a kidney transplant, is causing Anna to want nothing to do with it anymore, so she tries to get medical emancipation because her mother is more interested in keeping what little remains of Kate alive, than worrying about what kind of an effect it is having on Anna.

So the question is when you know your child has a very harsh disease, like cancer, and that there are few chances for survival, do you continue to do whatever it takes to try and have her cured, even when it means putting another child of yours through a tremendous amount of treatments when she is not even the one who is sick? I personally think that is wrong. The mom is so much more interested in keeping Kate alive (barely) that she will do anything, even if it causes physical pain, and even if it has the chance of killing Kate. I understand that she loves her daughter and would do anything for her, but she treats Anna like she is only around to provide for Kate. Where do you draw the line? It's even got to the point that they basically live in the hospital, what kind of life is that? And how can you expect to put the burden of keeping alive your daughter, on to a child?

The book is so good, and I can't hardly put it down, but the mother is pissing me off! I would never want any of my children to be put through that at all. I would actually give them a choice, because it's not only effecting one life it's effecting two, and I wouldn't be the one going through it, so I don't have any right to put that kind of burden on a CHILD...

..I guess it's just frustrating to me to see a parent favoring one child over the others. I'm rooting for a divorce between the parents because this lady is so messed up.

2009-06-10T06:30:00.000-07:00

So, about the kind of guy I can see myself with, I have a sort of list. I'm not the kind of person who is going to settle. I hate when people are with someone who treats them like total shit. Honestly, if you're going to be a complete dick then be prepared for me to be a complete bitch. *That's one thing I've learned from experiences in my past, and my best friend ;) , sometimes you've got to stand up for yourself and be a bitch!* I've had to do that a couple of times, and really, if you mean anything to them then you standing up to them shouldn't cause them to run the other way. If you mean anything to them, they'll realize how much of an ass they're being and change that because they don't want to lose you rather than you not speaking up because you don't want to lose them.

So on to my list:

*He's got to be attractive to me (I could care less if anyone else thinks he's attractive or not)
*He's got to hold me hand
*He should want to see me all the time (that doesn't mean we have to see each other every single day, our lives get busy!)
*He's got to love baseball. This didn't used to be a big deal, but I love baseball too much now to be with someone who hates it
*Speaking of baseball....He's got to like the Rangers. They don't have to be his favorite team but, come on, he's got to like them!
*He has to make me laugh
*He has to know how to make me feel better when I've had a bad day
*He has to be content in hanging out at home, or watching TV, or just playing a game
*....He also has to enjoy actually going out and doing things from time to time
*Has to be in college (or graduated, or working at a very promising job...basically he has to have a plan for his life)
*He must make an effort to understand me, and listen to me
*He can't be the overly jealous type...a little jealousy never hurt though ;)
*He's got to make time for friends, and allow me to go out with my friends without him
*...He's also got to get along with my friends
*He should invite me along to hang out with he and his friends sometimes (ya know, like watch a sports game, or play poker, or drink, or any kind of recreational sport)
*Must have a smile that will make me melt
*He's should sing to me, no matter how bad it is
*He's got to let me watch my girly TV shows, and in turn I will let him watch his
*He's got to like the city...I'm not big into the country thing anymore
*He's got to want to travel some
*His kisses should make me melt, as well as anytime he touches me
*He should be able to apply the song Endlessly by Green River Ordinance to our relationship :) or at least close to it
*He's got to like things like Harry Potter, or Batman, or Spiderman, or Star Trek, or Star Wars, or any other kind of comedy or action movie
*But he also has to be willing to watch chick flicks with me :)
*He's got to be somewhat romantic and or cheesy (not too much though...just the right amount)
*He cannot dress like a slob
*He must be very attracted to me
*He should tell me I'm pretty/beautiful/hot/gorgeous/cute/sexy whenever he sees me
*He should miss me when we don't see each other
*He should treat me like a princess and should respect me
*He should be sweet to me, but should also be able to joke around with me from time to time :)
*He should be able to laugh at himself
*He should take care of himself
*He should love music
*Spontaneity is a must

*Must pass the Front Porch Test

*one more addition....I would love a guy that calls me baby, or baby girl or baby doll or mi amor...or something cute whenever he talks to me :)

So see? It's not too much to ask for :)

2009-06-09T10:58:00.000-07:00

Moving day was a success! I got everything moved in one day, and one trip (granted there were three cars but still). Our apartment is so cute...and once we get it all decorated at stuff it'll be even cuter! :) I must say, so far, I enjoy living with Hayley way more than previous roommates (well, Anna wasn't bad, more-so roommate from hell). We went shopping yesterday and apparently because of that we are lesbians...but I just don't know about that.

So, now that we're all moved in, we're having our housewarming "gathering"! Which is really just an excuse to invite friends over to play games and drink! Becaus who doesn't love that? Not me!

Life is good, minus the driving forever and a day one way to work, which today it only took me 35 minutes! Hollaaa!

:)

2009-06-08T06:28:00.000-07:00

Weekend Rundown:

-Thursday night: went to the park with Hayley, Mason, Nathan and Ally. My realization? I'm so out of shape. I was tired after running around playing kickball :P It was really fun and it reminded me a lot of high school and made me even forget I was an adult for a while...

-Friday night: Watched the Rangers (more specifically Ian Kinsler) kick Boston's butt!! :D Then went bowling, and my highest score was a 69...pathetic I know (and everyone should keep their minds out of the gutter!)

-Saturday: Worked 9-12, moved all my shiiiz to Denton, then went to dinner with Carrie :)

-Sunday: Grocery shopping (because really, our fridge was bare) and I spent way more money than necessary...haha

2009-06-04T10:58:00.000-07:00

It's official. I'm graduating in December 2011 (okay, maybe not "official"). I definately knew that I would not in any way be graduating "ontime" with switching majors and taking a semester off. I worked it out to the amount of hours I need to take and when, and the classes I need to take. How sad is it that it's taking me 5 1/2 years to graduate from college? Oh well, I know plenty of people in the same boat as me so it'll be ok! But, I miss school so much! It is so boring just going to work everyday, doing the same thing, everyday. It might be different if it was something that I love to do (like what my career will hopefully be some day), or if it was more fast pace maybe, but it's not. Don't get me wrong, this is a good job, there's just not a whole lot of action going on around here and it gets boring, banking is definately not going to be my career.

Yesterday, I got Hayley to watch Slumdog Millionaire...and she loved it! But why wouldn't she? It is the best movie ever! And while watching it, I remember exactly why I love it, because it's exciting and very well written and I loove Dev Patel and Freida Pinto (who by the way is absolutely gorgeous) and little Jamal is so freakin adorable.

Rangers won agains the Yankees last night so that makes us #1 in the AL overall (as of now...it will probably change) and gave us more of a lead with staying #1 in the AL West. Yay! (Although not yay is that JHam is out for atleast 2 more weeks, and possibly until September..)

2009-06-02T10:51:00.000-07:00

I am currently in the process of moving out of my house. It just kind of hit me that I'm never going to be living there again. Not that I want to still live there (because I don't want to live with roommate from hell again, and I'm stoked about moving into my apartment with Hayley) but I've called that place "home" longer than anywhere else in the past more than two years. We have moved more than half of my stuff (and let me tell you, there is a lot...) but there are still some boxes, and my bed and stuff that we have to move tonight. Then we'll be done...for about 5 or 6 days...then I'm moving again. I don't know if I've ever mentioned how much I hate moving. I mean it..I really hate moving. I've moved about 7 times in 2 years once we get done actually moving into the apartment.

I have also decided that I would like to take a boat ride. It would be awesome. Too bad I don't really know anyone with a boat..my grandparents have one (or had one) and we used to go out to the lake every year and go fishing and swim and water skiing...but I don't talk to them now so that hasn't happened in several years...I miss the boat. It was fun, I really want to live near a lake and get a boat when I'm all rich. That would be fantastic, also getting a lake house would be fantastic too....I'm thinking Joe Pool Lake would be pretty :)

2009-06-01T23:41:00.000-07:00

I just watched Twilight....wtf?? I actually liked the END. The first 3/4 of the movie Edward was a whinny little bitch...just saying. and he's NOT cute..the only reason I like the end was because he started being sweet, and there was a little bit of action going on...that's it.

I can't believe I watched it...ugh

2009-06-01T06:19:00.000-07:00

So, about thursday night. We ended up going to The Aardvark to see some guy's cousin's band play. Then around 2 we went to Ole' South. I got home around 4....again. Then I had to wake up around 5:45 so I could take a shower and get ready, then leave to go to Orientation. unfortunately I ended up getting there around 7:45..so I signed in and waited for over an hour for it to start (because stupid me, I thought it was starting at 8..). I made small talk with a couple of girls that were sitting next to me and I met up with a guy that was in one of my classes at gay TCC and then a little later I talked to another guy that was in the same class.

During my advising I learned that I was 3 courses short of finishing my (university) core because not all of my classes transferred aand I found out that to get an Arts & Sciences degree I have to take four semesters of Spanish...wtf? I also found out that I have a decision to make. To get a Bachelors of Arts or of Science. I was under the impression that in order to do anything with a Psychology degree I had to do BS but apparrantly I can do BA and be able to still get the same job I want. The only difference is that for a BS there is 1-2 classes that are required in addition, and you have to have an overall GPA of 3.0 and a Psychology GPA of 3.5 as apposed to a 2.0 and 2.5 and you have to do an honors thesis. Either one I could do, and they were saying that if you do BS it gives you a better chance of getting into Grad school because it forces you to have a high GPA and all. I don't know, we'll see what happens. I'm hoping I can graduate in 2011 (I might have to graduate Dec. 2011..)

2009-05-28T11:02:00.000-07:00

I again had a late night last night. And by late, I mean, I got home around 4:10 in the morning. What makes it even better, is that I got pushed into the pool and also had to open this morning. So I jumped in the shower and quickly washed my hair and bathed so that I could have a few extra minutes to sleep this morning. I ended up getting a measly 2 hours of sleep. That is just not functional for me, especially when I have packing to do this afternoon and will most like be going to a bar and or movie tonight with the same people I was with last night....how excellent. The good new though is that I don't have to work tomorrow! Holla! Bad news? I have to be in Denton before 8 o'clock in the morning (probably around 7:30 so I can find my way before it starts) for Orientation, with a 45 minute-ish commute during rush hour. Awesome...but I don't have to be quite as alert for orientation as I do for work...just the drive.

I definitely have every intention of going home and taking about an hour or so long nap before working on the packing.

And shall I say, I have made a note to start bringing a swimsuit with me always. It's that time of year again..and I prefer a swimsuit to guys shorts (actually boxers..) and a white shirt..yeah. Not a good idea. But playing beer pong in a completely empty house prior to people moving in is pretty awesome. I want to buy a house just to have parties in...no furniture except maybe a real table to play beer pong on, not a movable island, and a couch and maybe some chairs. The night was indeed interesting though. I met a couple new people, and as I was leaving random hot guy that I met gave me a hug..ha ha. I was just kinda like okay! I'll go with it..

****************************************
side note:
I'm a little bit nervous about going to orientation tomorrow. I don't like going places, or doing things by myself. Especially things like this, I feel like a child showing up, not knowing what to do or where to go. I feel like this is something I need to start facing and getting over.

The List

2009-05-27T15:03:00.000-07:00

Things to accomplish before 2010: (*=more short-term)

1. Find, and get into a good workout routine
2. Learn how to cook 5 awesome meals
3. Get rid of 25-50% of current wardrobe*
4. Take tons of pictures
5. Make a scrapbook (or atleast start one)
6. Watch all of the movies on my "list"
7. Read atleast half of the books on my "list"
8. Learn how to make some steller mixed drinks
9. Make atleast 5 real friends (not aquantences)
10. Get to my happy weight
11. Go swimming atleast 10 times*
12. Learn to drive a stick shift (if anyone wants to help me with this feel free!!)
13. Get a library card (and actually use it)*
14. Have a planned, well thought out, party
15. Go to the movies, by myself
16. Put all of my CD's on itunes*
17. When facing/talking to someone I don't like find one good thing about them*
18. Go an entire week without eating junk food*
19. Learn to physically play baseball*
20. Take a yoga, pilates, or kickboxing class
21. Invest in a good pair of shoes and start running
22. unnamed
23. Write heart-felt letters to family and friends expressing my appreciation*
24. Bake cookies and share them
25. Find 10 new bands to love
26. Wear a pretty dress somewhere*
27. Reconnect with someone from my past*
28. Put my all into school and make all A's
29. Save up money for a "rainy day"*
30. Plan a trip
31. Go on a road trip
32. Try 5 new restaurants and order something I've never ordered from 5 familiar ones
33. Go out for drinks atleast 2-3 times a month
34. Develop "greener" habits*
35. Eat healthier*
36. Be able to do 20 real push ups
37. Get KILLER abs*
38. Learn to ballroom dance
39. Go play volleyball atleast once*
40. Save up and splurge on one item I really want
41. At the end of every day write down 5 good things that happend that day*
42. Write down 3 things I am looking forward to daily*
43. Go an entire week without buying anything I don't need*
44. Find something (or someone) that really interests me and learn more about it*
45. Start getting ready for bed an hour earlier than usual for two weeks (if I'm not out at night)*
46. Buy fewer magazines*
47. Opt for water rather than soda more*
48. Make my bed everyday*
49. Do two things I never thought I would do
50. Breathe before reacting to prevent overreacting*
51. Before making any kind of complaint, stop and think about whether making that complaint will help anyone/thing*
52. Go out somewhere obviously overdressed*

2009-05-26T09:20:00.000-07:00

Today sucks. It really does..

I am beyond stressed out. I move out in approximately 4ish days and I am no where near being packed, and there were a couple other things stressing me out and because of all of this I got minimal sleep last night, and today I just so happen to be be busy busy busy with no damn help because I'm the only one back here on the teller line right now. It always works that way..whenever I'm really tired, or stressed or don't feel good, that's when I always get busy.

If anyone feels the need to come help me pack all of my shit up this week feel free to call me :) I would love you forever.

2009-05-23T07:24:00.000-07:00

It's been two years already hasn't it? It doesn't feel like it...

wow.

I miss you Momma.

2009-05-22T10:44:00.001-07:00

NOTE TO SELF:

When opening at work in the mornings, do not go out and party and stay up until 5 something in the morning. Not a good idea. I got to sleep for an hour if that and I feel teeerrible.

The party last night was a complete success. I don't think Julie (Smith) threw up but, she was wasted. While at Billy Bob's the other girls were off somewhere else and so it was just me and a few of the guys and she asked me to go to the bathroom with her and it's good that I did because that girl couldn't even walk straight but omg it was the funniest thing ever. (PS The Library sucks, since when do you have to show a college i.d. to get in for free and if you don't happen to have it then you have to use cash...and to open a tab it's a minimum of $10...lame). After Billy Bob's (which btw I'm just not a huge fan of Billy Bob's..atleast not anymore) we went back to Justin's house and played liquor pong (because we didn't have anymore beer) and my beer pong partner and I lost two games in a row :( which is rediculous since last time we won four games in a row.

Hyena's tonight :) what up! I'm excited..I've only been to Four Day Weekend, I haven't been to Hyena's yet.

side note: I move in a week (approx) and I'm not even close to being packed.....

2009-05-21T07:36:00.000-07:00

DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA. I hate drama.

This is how it's going to go down..tonight is a friend's (21st) birthday party. We're going out and there's going to be a pretty good sized group there and it's going to be interesting..to say the least. Boy and girl hooked up over Christmas break. Girl has a boyfriend, said boyfriend will also be there. Girl's ex-boyfriend will be there too. Girl and ex-boyfriend got into a huge fight at the last party while being drunk. Ex-boyfriend threatened to let it slip that girl and boy hooked up if girl starts anything. There will be drinking and some people don't know how to be civil therefore something will inevitably be said I can just feel it. I think it could be highly entertaining because a) boy doesn't like boyfriend at all. b) and you get what you deserve...if you cheat you deserve to be held responsible whether drunk or not (I'm sure most people who know me know that I absolutely despise cheating)

More drama. I found something out about an "ex" or whatever. Basically lied to me. I hate hate hate liars almost as much as I hate cheaters. The thing is, if the "ex" had told me the entire situation I would have understood! (Not that I would have been really happy about the situation, but I would have understood and I could have moved past it and would have had the truth so I wasn't wondering what happened.) Now I get to go and try to act like nothings wrong because it's been so long and it's not even worth it to try and bring it up. Whatev.

..so did I mention I hate drama? Sometime I feel like I'm in high school again because people can't just grow the f*** up. For serious.

On a different note, I've been working almost full-time status (being only part-time) which has been nice on the wallet. Next friday is my transfer orientation!! Then the following week (hopefully) I'll be moving into my apartment with my roomie!! :) I also went with my bros to pick up my sweet Grandmother from the airport and went to lunch (at Red Robin..yumm) before she and my big bro left to drive to Post. So all in all besides a little bit of drama...life is still good :)

***Just had to throw this in here even though it's a few days late.
SHAWN WON DANCING WITH THE STAAAARS!!!!!!!! That girl is so cute and I voted for her the whole time...granted I REALLY wanted Melissa Rycroft to win, but I didn't care whether she or Shawn won (I didn't want Gilles to win, even though I like him...) and she did!! :)

2009-05-16T07:32:00.000-07:00

I move out in aproximately 2 weeks. wow. I should probably get my ass in gear and pack huh?

future roomie:
i loooove you and i can't wait to move into our apartment!!! :)

I have a small confession to make.

2009-05-14T09:48:00.000-07:00

Recently I have devoted my love back towards my beloved Texas Rangers. Now, I have loved them for quite some time, but my love for them this year has surpassed my love for them in previous years (I would say by a lot...well it all kind of started towards the end of last season so I swear I'm not just saying I love them because they're number 1 in the AL West...wait what was that? Number 1? Yes, I said the Texas Rangers are number 1). Well, last night I was watching said Rangers on t.v. (because I figured out that I do in fact have FSSW) and while texting dear Timothy and discussing the game, I got a little over excited when Josh Hamilton hit his 2 run homer (because in case you didn't know I loooove Josh Hamilton and Ian Kinsler who happened to also score on that HR) and I began jumping up and down like a child and well, I injured myself. I pulled something in my neck/shoulder and it hurts. I am a little embarrassed to say this but let's be honest I was waay excited (I was even holding on to Kinsler Bear, also known as DH, during the game because I was so nervous for how the end of the game would turn out).

Because of this incident I will no longer be jumping out of joy (even though I did that at the end of the game...which did not help) I will just be overjoyed.

That is my confession...just please don't laugh at me too much because you know you would be just as excited.. :)

*side note. I will never speak ill of Hank Blalock again....for the time being. I promise.

2009-05-12T14:33:00.001-07:00

So with all of this extra free time I have on my hands as a result of not being in school I've decided to divulge into learning more about baseball. Baseball is a sport that I've loved a long time, basically since I was about seven years old playing softball for the first time. Now granted, I was scared of the ball and not at all good (come on, I was a seven year old girly girl) but I loved it nevertheless. As bad as I was (which I could have been worse because I only struck out once) I didn't want to quit. Also, I kind of feel a special connection with baseball and my Mom because we used to go out to the ballpark all the time and whenever I go now it remindes me of how much my Mom loved me and cared about me. I went through a period of time where I didn't pay much attention to baseball, or care too much but I'm back now, and I love it more than I've ever loved it before.

As I was saying, I've been learning more about the sport itself and the rules and some of the all-time greats as well as some of the greats of the current times. I'm the kind of person that once I find something I like or that I think is interesting I come very close to obsessed with it. So I've been reading books about it, each one getting me more and more interested in the game. I just finished reading Safe at Home by Alyssa Milano and let me tell you, that girl definately knows her stuff. I don't think I could ever be that completely consumed by baseball, but it definately inspired me to learn more about the game, the history, and the players from years ago. I've also started reading her blog http://alyssa.mlblogs.com/. Just sayin' :) ...

As of now I am reading up on how to hit a ball because Brian told me and Hayley that he would teach us how to hit a ball this summer...he actually said he was going to put us through training haha. I've just come to the realization that it's not much use in being a fan if I don't know the rules or how to play the game..

And just to add, I used to think Hank Blalock was a cry baby (sitting out of a game last year over a hang nail..come on!) but I've been thourougly impressed with him recently with him hitting 1-2 homeruns a game, and C. Davis has been hitting some solo HR too. I really can't wait to get back out to the ballpark...anyone wanna go soon? :)
*************************************************************
Oh and on a completely different note, roommate from hell has moved out (for the summer atleast) meaning I never have to see him again! :) Of course this was not before he yelled at me because I hadn't given him his $8.33 for internet because he does not feel the need to give any kind of a reminder prior to the moment he leaves and expects me to drop everything to cater to his needs (psh f*** that) and he preceeded to yell at me for unexplainable reasons (he's kind of irrational and rude) and then almost kicked my door in..really? Oh, and then he cancelled the internet without telling me or Anna so we are without internet at home for the remaining two or three weeks we are there. Thank you stupid immature ass hole.

edit**I watched the game last night (Rangers vs Mariners) and during that seventh inning it reminded me exactly why baseball is so awesome. I'm pretty sure I fell in love with the game all over. It was so exciting to see one guy right after another get up and get on base..they made it through the line up once and the first three batters batted again scoring a total of 6 runs in one inning. It was awesome...I wish Hammy would have gotten that Grand Slam but it's aight. Feldman has really been doing good lately, I've seen a real improvement in the Rangers' pitching staff even with newcomers like Derek Holland, and then add the awesome defensive plays that Elvis Andrus played...awesome. I love it :)

2009-05-10T06:18:00.000-07:00

(I'm going to get a little personal here)

Dear Momma,

First off, Happy Mother's Day. I miss you so so much. I can't believe in a 13 days it will be two years. I miss you every single day of my life. I miss the days that when I could just curl up on the couch with you and watch t.v, or when we would go shopping and you would begin dancing in the middle of the store embarrassing me, or even when you would call me fifty times a day just to see what I was doing driving me absolutely crazy. I would give anything to have that back. You were without a doubt the greatest mother in the world, not only to me, Benji and Kevin but to all of the other babies and kids that you took care of. Thank you for being the best Mom ever. I love you so very much.

Love,

your baby girl

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY

2009-05-09T16:02:00.001-07:00

HAPPY GRADUATION DAY to anyone graduating.

I went to TCU graduation today to see Brian (among others) graduate. Then came and chilled with the Freeman family and eat yummy pizza!

it was awesome..but it's been a long day. ha ha I'm tired...I went to sleep around 2 or 3 last night and woke up around 7:30...blaaah

buuut tonight, I'm going to Steak N Shake to see Melissa!!! :) and I'm so excited....I absolutely love that girl and I miss her tons :(

good news: roommate from hell is leaving tomorrow for the summer!!! YAAAAAAAAY!
and I've got only like 3 weeks until I move out hollaaaaaa :)

Rangers are on :) just sayin'

2009-05-05T17:21:00.000-07:00

Let's talk about heroes.

For a while I held my (now "ex") best friend on a pedestal. He had cancer several years ago, but he beat it. He was never the type of person that wanted sympathy for this. In fact, he hated when people gave him sympathy because of it. He hated feeling like a victim and tried with all he had to not be one. He hated being seen as the victim because despite the fact that he had cancer, he had prevailed and successfully beaten, therefore, he could beat anything and any hardships he encountered we simple compared to cancer. In fact, he said to me one time a conversation about a problem he was dealing with, that it sucked but that he had beaten cancer, therefore he could get through this too (that is actually how I found out he had had cancer). The entire time we were friends he was such an inspiration to me because he never stopped at anything, and he pushed me to be the best I could be.

Over the past year I've gotten a lot more into the game of baseball; something I've always loved but in recent years have learned to really understand and appreciate. With that being said, there are many, many excellent baseball players who have played over the many years, and I truly respect the greats, but I have to go with a guy who is just a tad more modern when talking about heroes. Who is this you might ask? It is of course none other than my boy Josh Hamilton.

I know there are some skeptics out there who would probably say that his story is over commercialized and over done, but I really don't care. I don't like him just because he's been highly publicized, or because he's an excellent ball player (which he really is despite any slumps he may go through), or even because he plays for my favorite team. No, I like him because when I read his story it moved me, or there's the fact that the night of the 2008 Home-run Derby he shocked spectators everywhere by setting a first round record by hitting 28 home-runs in the historic Yankee Stadium. In fact, I remember exactly what I was doing that night, where I was, who I was with, hell I even remember what I was wearing. He didn't care that he didn't win; he was just thrilled to be there and to be a part history. There's also the fact that when I even hear his name I get chills and my heart skips a beat. His story really moves me, and I have come to respect him as a person and an athlete. (I'll try not to give away too much of the book for anyone who wants to read it, but most of it is public knowledge anyways.) The fact that he was so deep in drugs and alcohol, almost to the point of death, that he no longer cared about baseball, his first love, then coming all the way back and doing whatever he could to get back his career that he singlehandedly squashed, as well as his wife and family. Look at him now, it completely amazes me and it shows me that no matter how bad your life is; with God, a little love, determination, patience and desire even the most desolate of situations can changed. It gives me hope.

I must also mention other past baseball players who have topped my list of heroes: Lou Gehrig, who gave up the spotlight and everything else he had putting his team first because he felt he no longer could uphold his ability and instead felt he was a hindrance to the team retiring shortly after being diagnosed with a disease that caused his muscles and central nervous system to stop working (of course now called Lou Gehrig's disease); Jim Abbot the left handed pitcher for the Yankees who was born without a right hand, however still threw a no-hitter game; and Jackie Robinson, the first African American to ever play the game ending segregation in baseball.

Anybody else have a hero like this?

2009-05-02T16:40:00.000-07:00

Uh ok this week has been crazy! Fdub completely freaked out about the pig flu. I mean really? Out of 144 campuses in the district there were 4 schools that had confirmed cases...ok shut those schools down, but no they have to shut down the entire district, then they go and cancel things like Mayfest. Awesome..

Well besides that this week has been interesting. Monday I definately spilled an entire bowl of HOT soup on my hand..I had blisters for a few days. I've basically been working full time. The past two weeks and the next two weeks I will be working a minimum of 35 hours a week with the majority working 40.

So last night, at about 11 Alex S called me up and was like "hey get dressed we're going to a bar" so I went to a bar with him and that was pretty interesting I'm not gonna lie...we were "fake drunk texting" Hayley which got sooo awkward because we were not drunk haha.

Countdown to moving: 1 month and 4 days (which might be less than a month because I have a roommate from hell who doesn't know how to communicate and therefore I may have to move out and then move AGAIN! grr)

2009-04-26T10:37:00.000-07:00

This entire past week I've been sick, and it has suucked. I haven't really done anything, or gone out because of it, but yesterday, with a little medicine, I was feeling pretty good. But I had nothing to do..I got a call from my bro needing someone to go pick him up from Stephenville. Now, I've never been to Stephenville before, so I was a little nervous driving aaall the way out there, but I had nothing else to do so I went. Needless to say, I got really lost, and bro didn't doesn't live there so he doesn't know how to tell me to get to where he was. So, I had been on the phone most of the way out there and also had to call my dad to get directions, so my phone was basically dead and I was driving around Stephenville with no phone. It sucked but I made it, and we made it back.

When I first got to Stephenville, right before my phone died, I got a call from Hayley inviting me to go out to Denton and go do hookah with her and Joel. So after what seemed like forever, I finally got out to Denton (I drove over 200 miles yesterday..wtf) and we went to Kush and had a few drinks and did hookah. It was pretty fun, but I apparently suck at hookah because I can't blow out enough smoke. Although, I did end up getting sick because I don't think I should have drank that much, in that short amount of time right after getting over being sick...oh and I didn't get home until like 4 in the morning...just throwing that in there :)

Anyways, what looked like it was going to be another lame night at home ended up being pretty fun. It made me a little nostalgic and miss last summer a little bit, I won't lie..it was a really fun summer.

**side note. I really only have about another month here before I move and I am exciiited! I think Hayley and I decided to get a hookah for our apartment..the new "bro pad" ;)

2009-04-22T07:15:00.000-07:00

I am getting sick...AGAIN! Are you kidding me? I just got over being sick. When I get off work I'm going home and taking a nap..even though I know I need to go home and clean/pack. I feel like I have way too much going on in my life right now that I don't really have time to think and it's wearing my down...agh

On another note, I did run a quarter of a mile last night. I was dying though..I am so increadibly out of shape, plus on top of that I was exhausted and on the verge of being sick. So I think I did pretty good. We did play on the playground with Averie and she was going down the slides and up the stairs and all (on the little kid playgound..like for 3-4 yrs and under) and she was so cute but all these 10-11 yr olds kept jumping all on it and running all over it and this one kid nearly knocked her down. I about went off on him cause he didn't even seem like it phased him that he almost hurt a 1 year old. Kids these days are such idiots, I know if I had done that when I was that age my Momma would have gone off on me..

..I think the respect for others these days, especially what we're teaching kids these days about respect for others is so low and it is kind of disgusting to see it.

2009-04-20T07:01:00.000-07:00

Ten years. It's been ten years since the shooting at Columbine High School. That is SO crazy. I was 11 years old, in fifth grade. It's so crazy that it's been that long. Not only has it been ten years since the Columbine shooting, but that means it's been 9 1/2 years since the shooting at the my church. THAT is crazy. I can still picture the people running out and frantically looking for my family. Crazy..

Anyways, I get off work today at 11. Wth? I don't usually get off work early like that unless I have somewhere to go..oh well! It gives me an extra 2 hours during my day to get things done, and I'm going to try very very hard to use it productively since I don't get the entire afternoon off very often. I'm thinking going running maybe? Spend a little time getting stuff ready to get packed, and clean since my stupid roommate feels the need to show the house off to people (ok that's ok, but he feels the need to show my room off when I'm not there. Didn't ask my permission to come into my room, my other roommate that I'm friends with was home and sent me a text telling me that he showed my room to a guy. WTF are you kidding me?) And spend a little time at Barnes & Noble? Love B&N :)

2009-04-16T13:20:00.001-07:00

Ok so I don't usually post more than once a day, but we were having a conversation at work today and it was really interesting.

We were talking about how some girls who are thicker are proud of that and how they think they are God's gift to men.And you have these people who are like 250 or 300 pounds and it's just crazy how big that is. It's like almost twice my size, and my boss said that while watching The Biggest Loser one lady was like 280 lbs and said "You don't get to be 280 lbs by accident" which, if you think about it, it's true! Sure, if you don't have a very good diet or you don't work out as much as you should you can gain 10, 15, even 20 pounds without really meaning too (believe me, it's possible) but to get to be that big you have to actually try; and maybe try isn't the right word..but you have to be aware of it because to gain that much weight you have to be eating like 2 or 3 big macs for one meal and eating fast food all the time. That is not an accident because everyone knows how fattening fast food is.

On the other hand, being really healthy isn't an accident either. You have to conciously think about what you're eating and how much and whether or not it is healthy. Then you have to actually get up off your ass and actually do some kind of exercise.

Either way, it takes effort. I guess that's why I've been content to be in limbo with gaining a few pounds here and losing a few there only to gain them back, because it's definately easier. But I have started to take steps to better health and ACTUALLY working out and eating better (and less.)

That's all.. I just thought that was interesting.

2009-04-16T09:32:00.000-07:00

Right now, I feel SO accomplished! :) I'm thinking today is going to be a good day which is great considering yesterday was close to a disaster. I had about a million things on my to-do list today and most everything has been crossed off, and of the ones left to do only one or two are kind of urgent.

To-Do List:

~~FAFSA~~
~~Car inspection~~
Call about my new plates
~~Pay Credit Card~~
~~Pay V.S. card~~
~~Pay NY&C card~~
Call UNT about Transcipt
Return library books
~~Make payment towards TCU~~
Begin packing and getting boxes
~~Make car payment~~
~~Sign up and pay for Orientation (May 29)~~
~~Rent payment~~
~~Electricity~~
~~Internet payment~~
Wash car
Laundry
Clean bathroom (I haven't gotten to my weekly cleaning.. :( shame shame)

8 of the 17 were completed today. :) I'm feeling pretty good despite other things..

Have a wonderful day :)

2009-04-14T18:33:00.001-07:00

So I am so in love with Slumdog Millionaire. It is absolutely my favorite movie, and for some reason I think Dev Patel is so cute..haha. Speaking of..he's British!! he's not even Indian! He's still so cute and is still a really good actor (even more-so now that he had to act like he was from India)

Today I did have a nice surprise when I got to work..we got paid $25 for each trip for training. Awesome!

I don't have much else to say so I'm going to go finish Dancing with the Stars! and check in on my boys to see if they're winning..

letters

2009-04-12T20:54:00.000-07:00

Dear Macbook,

please stop sucking and let me take a picture instead of just chillin and being a green screen.

Thanks,

Jill

Dear body,

please stop being sick.

Thanks,

Jill

Dear boy(s),

stop being so gay. you frustrate me more than you know.

Thanks,

Jill

Dear One Tree Hill,

please stop failing. lets please play more than 2 episodes without a month break. and please don't continue pissing me off with the plot.

Thanks,

Jill

Dear FAFSA,

you fail. stop telling me i'm not independent when clearly i am.

Thanks,

Jill

Dear roommate from hell.

i don't like you. at all. i can't wait for this time next month when you will be GONE.

Thanks,

Jill

Dear people at Wedgwood,

please stop judging me. you have no room too, plus i've done nothing to be judged for.

Thanks,

Jill

Dear summer,

please hurry. i miss you.

Thanks,

Jill

Dear SNL cast,

i love you. you made me feel so much better last night.

Thanks,

Jill

2009-04-11T09:59:00.001-07:00

So, interesting weekend so far.

Last night, went to the Good Friday service. Wasn't really planning on it...but oh well. It was alright. It was really weird going back to that church, weird, but oddly comforting. It's completely different now though..but Brother Al was great as always. The little things that he did took me back to when I was in the youth, like him just randomly singing and things like that...but I don't know if you could get me to go back there on a regular basis. I wasn't there long and I still felt like I was being judged...plus it's completely different and I just don't like it.

Anyways after the service Julie, Blake, Averie and I went to Chili's...and there was this big table of like 24 chairs and the whole time we were there there were only half of them being used...our waiter/theirs was getting soo pissed. Other than that, not too interesting.

The interesting part was after that I went to the Library with Hayley and Justin. And while we were waiting to get drinks at the bar this guy walks up to me and Hayley and was like "I love you" and kept saying that. (It was increadibly obvious that he was wasted.) And he kept telling me that I was soo pretty and beautiful and was like "I just love you so much" and he was all like "that's no fair you coming out with your cute dimples..You're so beautiful. I love you!" Weird...haha..too bad he wasn't hot. Then I got hit on 2 other times..once as we were leaving and this old guy (well like 30's) tried pulling me to him and was all like "you're hott!" Gross. haha

Today! I went running and I pushed my self so much...by the time I got done my lungs were burning and my head was pounding and my legs and arms felt like they were going to fall off..but I feel excellent now :) oh and it was really cold...hah

Now, I'm going to eat soup, clean and get ready to go hang out with Laureeen! :)

Easter, religion and other personal beliefs

2009-04-10T08:22:00.000-07:00

So I've been spending the past couple of days reading blogs and it's pretty enjoyable. I like reading about other people's lives. It also helps the day go by a lot quicker having something to actually read..

Anyways getting to the point. Today is Good Friday, remembrance of when Jesus was crucified. Honestly, it feels like just another ordinary day and it kind of bothers me a little because just a few years ago I used to be the girl that was always at church, every time the doors were open. Now, (not counting Christmas) I haven't really been to church in close to a year. Well I take that back, back when I went to visit my Grannie she made me go with her, but I don't really count that because that wasn't me deciding to go, I was forced to go. Lately I've been feeling like I was missing something, but I don't like feeling like I have to go to church. I'm still a "member" of Wedgwood but I never go because when I do go I feel like I'm being judged and I hate that, I absolutely hate that. I've never done anything worth getting judged for, I just stopped going. Why you ask? because I've been going to Wedgwood since 4th grade. That's 11 1/2 years and a year ago (really after I graduated, but more in my second year of college) I felt like a complete stranger. Please tell me that you would like to go to a church that you've been at since you were 10 and to suddenly feel like you in no way belong. Wedgwood has changed and I don't like the feeling that I get when I go there anymore. It's just not the same Wedgwood as when I was in high school and younger. It was incredibly awkward going to church and nobody talked to me. And the people I sat with were people who were younger than me because none of my friends were ever there. So, I stopped going because I didn't feel comfortable there anymore, and what's more is that my beliefs have changed from being so black and white to seeing that things are different based on the present circumstances which some people can not open their minds to see. And that bugs me so much. Some of the people there are cool, but a lot of them are so closed minded that it drives me crazy even to step foot in there. Closed minded people, hypocrites, and judgemental people piss me off..just saying.
Anyways, I'm actually going to church there on Sunday, kind of cliché only going to church for Easter and Christmas I know, but oh well. Maybe once I move to Denton I'll find a church there..we'll see.

That's all...Oh I am going to go run today. Even though it's still kind of smoky outside...hopefully I'll be ok. I just feel so blah right now and I feel like I need to do something to get my body in shape. I want to do a half marathon or something, I just feel like it could be really cool and I'd feel like I had accomplished something. Hm oh well, I'll get started running and see what happens :)

2009-04-08T18:51:00.000-07:00

I'm probably done with you.

Just sayin'.

If you want this to change feel free.

But it's all you.

Soap Box

2009-04-07T06:06:00.000-07:00

So I went to Opening Day yesterday, and the first pitch was thrown out by former President George W. Bush and Governor Rick Perry was there as well. First they introduced Rick Perry and a bunch of people booed. Then, they introduced Bush and still, people booed. And I'm sorry, but that pisses me off. I don't care what your individual views of Bush and Perry are but they still deserve respect. We are talking about people who were voted into office by obviously a majority and yet, they are still disrespected like that. I mean really, why don't YOU try to run the country especially after something like what happened on Sept 11. People don't remember but, everyone in the country wanted war they wanted to get back at the people who were behind the attacks. Yes, Bush made some not so great decisions as President but, obviously enough people wanted him as President and thought he was doing good because he did when the Presidency again. Seriously people, our country is a democratic nation and we vote for our elected leaders. So get over yourselves and learn how to show respect to people. You may not like them, but you still need to show them respect. They have a much harder job than probably anyone who happens to read this, or anyone that I know (definitely harder than mine). So GROW UP so I don't have to punch you in the face. I almost punched Justin in the face for booing Governor Perry.

Another thing along that line that pisses me off is when people disrespect the people in the Army, Navy, Marines, Air-force, Coast Guard, National Guard and anything else. Yesterday the 4th Infantry of something....I don't know, were there and they were the ones to present the flags this year and they stayed to watch the game. They just got back from Iraq and I was standing in line and there were a couple of Army guys on my right and a few drunk ass holes on my left and one of the drunk guys decided to make fun of the Army guys because one had their hat on and the other didn't. I was just like really? You're going to sit here and make fun of these guys after just getting home from fighting in the war so YOUR stupid ass doesn't go fight in the war. These people who do that, or decide to go ahead and protest are so stupid. I don't think they realize that unless there are people signing up to go, they're going to reinstate the draft, and if that happens I hope they are the first ones to go. I know a few people in the Army, a couple that used to be in the Marines and I know someone who is in the Navy and to my knowledge none of them were forced to sign up to be there. As far as I know they wanted to sign up. Nobody was forcing their hand down to sign up. They know exactly what they are doing being in any of the branches of the Armed Forces and I have the upmost respect all of these people and when people disrespect them or anyone else I just want to punch them in the face. Show some freaking respect people.

***************************************************

On a completely different note, (minus the lines) Openening Day was awesome. Rangers won (of course) 9-1 I believe. It really wasn't a challenge. The one run that the Indians scored was a wild pitch and they ran in. Hank Blalock actually scored the first Homerun....so MAYBE he's not going to be a baby this season. Elvis Andrus took his first At-bat for the major leagues and he got a double and I think ended up scoring so I have a little faith in him. A lot was riding on that, I think, being his first chance to bat in the Majors and having been drafted in and being put in as short stop instead of Michael Young. Hamilton made a couple of good catches. I didn't see a whole lot of amazing-ness in Kinsler for this game..he did get a couple of doubles though, so that was good, however I did miss a couple of innings because I was waiting in line for food...

then went to Rosa's with Hayley and Ms. Freeman and then watched How I Met Your Mother and Dancing With The Stars.

OH and UNC won it all?? Who called that? ME!!! :D

The End.

2009-04-04T19:50:00.000-07:00

I hate being lead on.

I hate being played.

I hate liars.

I hate when people ignore me.

I hate when people turn their back on me.

I hate when people act like I don't matter.

I hate when people only tell me what they think I want to hear.

I hate fake people.

I hate getting hurt.

I hate being let down.

I hate cheaters.

I hate jerks.

2009-04-04T10:33:00.000-07:00

Opening Day is in 2 days and I am BEYOND excited. You have no idea. It is going to be amazing!

HOPEFULLY they will actually win this year

2009-04-02T09:00:00.000-07:00

So I started the Body by Glamour program. I think it'll be awesome. I have about a month and a half- two months until summer. I love Glamour (the magazine)..haha. I have a secret (or maybe not so secret) addiction to magazines (Glamour, Cosmo, Self, Shape, Psychology) and I finally broke down and bought a subscription to Glamour and Cosmo probably going to save me about $75 a year..lol

So I hung out with my bro yesterday afternoon and we went to the AT&T store to look at the iPhone and I think I'm going to go ahead and get one. He's going to get it for me, and he might get me a 16 g...haha he'll probably end up getting me an 8 g..oh well lol. It's really cool and I think my biggest problem is going to be texting on the touch screen. I guess I'll get used to it though. Bro is getting a Blackberry something...I dunno what it's called. It's the newest one though (not the Storm) I definately prefer the iPhone though...I like Apple better than Windows..haha

I finally finished all of the Harry Potter books..and they were so good! Especially the seventh..Me and Kayla are going to go see the sixth movie when it comes out..probably at midnight ;) haha..Now I just have to find another book to read. I have Kite Runner that I bought a while back before I started reading HP so I might see if that's any good. I hear it is so we'll see.

Just a side note...this wind is effing crazy. That is all I hear right now, even over the music. What the heck..I'm pretty sure the drive-thru tubes are going to bust cause the wind is so strong. That'll suck..but be pretty funny haha

Anyways...I have a some-what lengthy to do list right now.
*Go Running (because I haven't done that this week)
*Go through my clothes and get rid of some because seriously I don't need that many and when I move I'm not going to have enough room for them all
*Turn in my library books that I've had for a while..oops
*Start packing things up that I don't need.
*Fill out my stupid FAFSA...I STILL have not done that and time is ticking..
*Contact UNT about my transcript and the fact that I won't have an "up-to-date" transcript based on the fact that I am not in school this semester
*Take my clothes to the dry cleaners

My Happy Place..

2009-03-30T20:28:00.000-07:00

So I have 2 different "happy places"..haha that sounds so weird to say. But whenever I picture these places in my mind it always manages to cheer me up no matter what happens during the day..

Happy Place #1:

The Ballpark in Arlington. One of the things that I love so much in my life is baseball. Ive been going to games for years and whenever going to a game I cannot help but be so happy and so excited. I mean come on...who can be sad or upset at a baseball game?? Another reason to be happy at the ballpark? Baseball boys are hooootttt...just sayin'..

Happy Place #2:

As weird as this sounds happy place number 2 is Washington DC. It's weird because my last trip there was a little awkward...but DC is so incredibly beautiful. You can't help but be happy when you think about it.

2009-03-28T18:27:00.001-07:00

I absolutely am in love with this song...(Endlessly- Green River Ordinance)

"She is my rock and my roll and thunder. I've been the spell she was under..I, I love that girl

......She is the days I can't get over, she is the nights that I call home. Endlessly"

I don't have all of the lyrics because it's virtually impossible to find them online for some reason..but it is one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard. It really makes me want that relationship with a guy that feels this way about me...

go listen to this song :)

Just some thoughts..

2009-03-27T07:35:00.000-07:00

So these are just some thoughts in my head so if you think my blog is too cheesy or whatever then don't read crackhead! (you know who you are)

"Albert Kinler once wrote, bless to the hearts that can mend, they shall never be broken. But i wonder, if there's no breaking and no healing, and if there's no healing, there's no learning and if there's no learning, then there's no struggle, but struggle is a part of life. So must all hearts be broken?"

I found this quote, it's said by Chad Michael Murray (Lucas on One Tree Hill) and it got me thinking. I am a firm believer in the saying "Everything happens for a reason" and here is this quote saying that you would be blessed to have a heart that can never be broken, yet a broken heart leads to all different lessons, and struggles that everyone should endure in their lives. Struggle is what makes you who you are. It's what molds you into the person you are, and the person you are meant to be.
People often wonder why bad things happen to good people..I usually have two responses for that. 1. being that everyone must face trials in their lives, no life will ever be perfect. However God will never give you more than you can handle, but he will test you and put you close to your breaking point. Usually this breaking point won't be reached, but it's the point that you reach when you can pick yourself up and begin to live your life and become the person you were meant to be, and the person you want to be.
Broken hearts are a way of life...I know from my own experiences that with every broken heart that I've received in my life has in some way molded me into who I am. I prefer to not get my heart broken, but as life has taught me, when one door closes another opens. Take for instance relationships; A relationship ends and I'm heart broken, I think that this sucks a lot and I hate going through it, BUT when one ends, that allows for another to begin.
Since my last relationship I've actually learned to be happy being single and I think that that has helped me. I think it will help me when getting into a new relationship because I won't feel like I've jumped from one guy to another..I say "I won't" but I actually don't feel like that now...before, I've litterally gone from one guy to the next. I'm not now. I've been over it for awhile...(honestly) and I think that's why I've been able to be happy. 'Cause really, in as long as I can remember the past few months I've been the happiest I've ever been being single (not saying I want to stay single! lol but I'm not so in need of being in a relationship...if that makes any sense).
Anyways, as I started saying..everything happens for a reason and that is one thing that I've learned over the past almost two years really, but I've really learned this in the past year...It makes sense...seeing as you can look back over almost every incident that has happened, when at the time your vision is clouded and you can't see the big picture and you can't see what is going to come out of it, but you look back and you can see that out of everything something good comes out of it...

2009-03-26T10:15:00.000-07:00

Tiffany Nikol Cannon,

I hate you so much. I am not gay, as much as you would like me to be. I like boys, so shut your face. For the rest of this day I am not friends with you. We can see how tomorrow goes. I'll probably be friends with you tomorrow. Just not right now.

The End.
Jill Dawn Rodgers

healthy?

2009-03-25T09:31:00.000-07:00

So, lately I've been reading a lot about "being healthy" and "eating healthy" and all because I do none of those. I am so far for being healthy, it's not even funny. I think a lot of it has to do with ever since being on my own, I opt out and tend to eat out a LOT. Or I turn to easy choices that I can just heat up in the microwave that are typically not very healthy. I am trying to get back to my high school body. I weighed 120 most of high school and by the time I graduated I topped out at like 124 and I misssss that so much. So, in attempts to get back to that size I've started to actually think about what I eat, and drink and so on. I went running/walking on Sunday and I'm doing that again today after I get off work. I'm going to try to go running at least 3 times a week if not more (depending on my schedule). I believe (and I'm really hoping this is true) that once I move and am actually comfortable with my living arrangements I'll be more comfortable actually cooking and I'll be close to a gym and a pool! So hopefully it will be easier, and work better. I've decided to actually start paying attention to what I eat etc. because for real, my Mom died at 48 years old from a heart attack and she actually worked out, ate somewhat good...it wasn't the healthiest because she loved loved loved salt but she didn't eat out all the time; so if my Mom did all of that and still had a heat attack then obviously it's genetic so I need to watch myself. It's gonna suck and be hard but I value my life, and I just feel like if I keep living an unhealthy lifestyle after what happened to my Mom then it's like saying I learned nothing about keeping myself healthy...so yeah. If anyone who actually reads this has suggestions on workouts, or healthy foods, or how to maintain self discipline please share :) ...my goal is to drop 15 pounds and tone up and to over all be healthy...we'll see if that happens..lol i just want to be ready for swimsuit season and look super hot ;)

OK totally off subject but we're sitting here talking about getting pulled over, and the amount of cops out right now and how some people get out of tickets just because they're officers even though they're going over a lot...wtf??? OK that's all..

tuesdays = fail

2009-03-24T09:18:00.000-07:00

I hate tuesdays, they suck. Especially today. Usually Katie is off, Jeff leaves at 10 (same time that I get here) and Tiffany is at her new accounts desk. Today all is true, minus the fact that Tiffany is not here at all...she's in freaking Arlington at training. I'm so bored and feel lonely :( I miss my coworkers. The training schedules suck, Jeff's going to be gone tomorrow and Katie's going to be gone on Thursday as well. Laaaame. I am the only teller here today..sucks. And I don't know what's going to happen to Harry and Ron and Hermione..it makes me a little emotional...ok jk.
I'm so bored and tired..I stayed up watching The Girls Next Door...and Chad Michael Murray was on it...hoooooooot. He watches the show with his gf..holla. haha..sorry I'm in love with C.M.M.
SPEAKING of shows tha I watched last night...with C.M.M. in them..a dog ate Dan's heart? (One Tree Hill btw) are you serious? Well, I guess it's about time he dies...now Jamie doesn't even like him because he killed Keith. burrrrnn. and Julian left. Fail. You had Brooke Davis and you LEAVE. gah...and Haley? Bad ass..I love her.
Some guy was just in here and said that he had been married 43 years...wow, that's a long time...haha random.
Ok I'm off to see how Harry manages to pull them out of this mess they are in..which BY THE WAY he got them in because he didn't listen to Ron saying that Lord Voldemort's name is traced. stupid Harry...
damn I sound like a nerd...whatever. I'm still awesome.

Love
<3

2009-03-20T06:23:00.000-07:00

So, last night, Alex, Hayley, Oscar, Julie, Blake and myself went to bowl. However we actually ended up going to play laser tag (except Hayley didn't have good shoes to wear so she couldn't play...sad..) and we DOMINATED. The blue team aka my team had over 57,000 points..compared to the yellow team with like 9,000 something points. Holla..we're awesome. Blake obviously dominated everyone because he's a hoss, and then this little random girl ended up getting like 21,000 points (less than Blake..) It was awesome. I had so much fun..
Then Hayley, Oscar and I decided to get a pizza and go and watch a movie at my casa and I almost got into a fight with someone who wouldn't move out of the freakin way...gah.
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I am going to be Julie's Maid of Honor (that in noway means her bitch) because her and Blake are engaged. The rock is huge. and I'm happy to say that I knew about it before she did :)
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Anyways, minus yesterday sucking (until last night of course!) and being misrebly sick most of the day this week has been pretty great :) ..I kind of don't want it to end..but it is and it'll be ok.
2 weeks and 3 days until Opening Day! :) I'm so excited!! Aaaah! I would love to one of these days go to Spring Training and meet some of the players...how awesome would that be??

Ok that's all..
:)

2009-03-17T12:05:00.000-07:00

Dear Summer,

Please come back soon. I miss you a lot.

Love,

Jill

2009-03-09T08:32:00.000-07:00

So I'm bored..and I don't mean bored in the sense that I have nothing to do right now. I mean bored with life. It's the same thing over and over and over again every day. I really wish I could make more friends or something. I feel like such a loser because I base all of my plans on whether I hang out with one person. Why? I don't know, probably because most of my friends are off at school somewhere else. Usually most of my time is either spent with Julie or by myself. Occassionally I get to hang out with Hayley but not a lot because she's in Denton and I'm here. Trying to make new friends in the next months will probably prove to be impossible or a waste of time..but hopefully come June I'll get the chance to make new friends and all by being in a new place. I really need something new to happen. I'm so tired of the same thing all the time. I spent all weekend alone..I was supposed to meet up with some friends saturday night after a concert, but they decided to just go home instead. Other than that, I did not get any invitations to do anything. I feel like such a loser on weekends like that. It's not like I don't have any friends, but where are they? I don't know..I just need an effing change in my life. June couldn't come any faster..

2009-03-07T22:17:00.000-08:00

I don't want to be

Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

All I have to do

Is think of me and I have peace of mind

I'm tired of looking 'round rooms

Wondering what I've got to do

Or who I'm supposed to be

I don't want to be anything other than me

...damn that's profound. I love me some Gavin Degraw. His songs speak to me, they really do. I know that sounds corny and kind of gay..but they really do. Every song he sings has so much soul. It's exactly the kind of music I fall in love with over and over again, every time I listen to it. His song "More than Anything" brings tears to my eyes it's such a strong and resounding song.

Speaking of songs that bring tears to my eyes, Katy Perry's "Thinking of You" is amazing. I love the melody and the words of the song. I don't personally relate but the song is absolutely beautiful. I absolutely love Katy Perry :)

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So I'm sitting here waiting for Tim to call me so I can go meet everybody at Ole' South and I'm very bored. I kind of wish I had gone to Billy Bob's but I didn't feel like being around all those people.. I tend to get pissed off at people when I'm there. It's usually just so ridiculous and I've had a headache all day so I just decided to stay home and meet up with them afterwards. I'm excited cause Amanda will be there! and I haven't seen her in for-freaking-ever!!

Ok that's all..tomorrow is spring cleaning. Next week is "spring break" and by "spring break" I mean that the only difference is I'm working almost 40 hours instead of 30...kind of the opposite eh? Oh well..I'll be bankin' in a few weeks. Hollaaa!

I realize that I said "that's all" up there..but obviously it wasn't. Now that's all. I'm gonna go jam out..quietly..and try not to fall asleep before Tim calls me..

2009-03-04T07:29:00.000-08:00

OK I'm so close to snapping when it comes to Paul. He for some unknown reason thought it would be a great idea to play his damn guitar and sing at the top of his damn lungs at, get this, 11:45 at night. Are you kidding me? I mean I know you're an asshole but seriously? I really hope Anna got permission from our Landlord to kick his ass out on the curb. I am so pissed off at him. And to add to it..today was the third week in a freaking row that he didn't take the trash out. Our garbage can is full, and there is another bag in the pantry. Ajdklafjldaj;. OK, I'm a relatively easy person to get along with but shit! Anna is a little bit more strict (or whatever) than me when it comes to things like that, because she likes things done a certain way which is fine, when we all moved in together she layed everything out on the table. I didn't have a problem with any of it, Paul's ass said he didn't either. Now he feels the need to turn the damn porch light off when it's dark and he knows we are both not home, he feels the need to play and sing as loud as he can whenever (late at night, when we're sick and resting, early in the morning, when we have friends over) he feels the need to invite people over to practice for their stupid praise band without checking with us first. His reasoning is because he pays rent there to...ok who gives a shit? I alone pay more rent than he does, then you add in Anna's rent and we pay more than 2/3 of the rent. Pretty sure that means the majority wins AND the people who pay the most win. You lose paul you suck at life, singing and everything else. Ajdklajfkdl;sjkal;jifahgieoajaejfd;akdl;ajkl;.
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OK that's just some frustrations...I feel better now :)
anyways..today is Kyle's funeral. It's gonna be really sad. I haven't been to a funeral since my mom's almost two years ago, it's going to be hard. What makes it worse is that he was such a nice guy and he was so young...it's a shame that he got so involved with drugs and everything. I really hope the girl that was driving feels like shit and she better be going to jail. Kyle's mom may not be pressing charges, but she is the reason he is dead. It's involuntary manslaughter and her ass sat here and lied to the cops. There's going to be a lot of people from high school there today..can you say aaawkward?
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So Jeffrey needs to hurry up and get here..I'm bored and I need someone to talk to since Tiffany is all the way across the bank :(. I think today me and Julie are going to go shopping and I'm gonna get some Sperry's :) yay!...I'm still doing really good about no fast food...even though it was hard. I almost caved yesterday but I didn't! We are supposed to start going to kickboxing...that'll be awesome, I'll be in really good shape aaand I'll be able to kick some ass! awesome....Spring break is almost here! yay! I know I'm probably going to have like 2 parties in a row haha before break even really gets started. Sweet. Def gonna have fun drinkin' :) Maybe I'll get drunk, I haven't been drunk since my b-day haha

2009-03-03T09:09:00.000-08:00

So I have been informed by a certain person (not going to name any names...Tiffany) that I have failed at life because I haven't been updating my blog religiously..she says she misses them because they amuse her. Nice to know that me being serious is funny to you. Jerk. Face. Just kidding..I love you...even though you make my heart sad, and I'm glad to know you're going to miss me next year when I am no longer here! :)
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On a different note, I have decided that I cannot wait for the next chapter of my life to begin. I have a pretty good life right now, but I can't wait until June when I get to move in with Hayley in that sweet apartment and start the next chapter. Don't get me wrong, I love FDub, it's my home really..I've lived here for like 12 years, but I feel in limbo. Part of me is glad that I decided to take this semester off, It cut out a lot of stress, and it has allowed me to work more and make more money. But I feel like something is missing, it's the same thing over and over..so mundane. Finally moving to Denton and going to school next semester will be awesome. I'm so ready for it. Although, it kind of makes me think, if I'm so bored with my life right now, what's going to happen when I'm done with school completely and all I do is work during the days at the same job. Hopefully it will be better because it will be something I actually want to do instead of something I'm not too interested in.. Just a thought..
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To Do List:

Get guarantor page signed/notorized for apartment
Clean my room!!***
Actually return my books to the library
Call Hiley Mazda to get my car inspected
Call UNT admissions about transcript
Wash car
Workout

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We're sitting here at work..it's just the females (minus Katie) Jeff and Dustin are gone. We got to talking about this customer's son and how much of a creep he is. Working at a bank you get to know some of your customers (especially working at a small bank) and their stories and all..and there are some crazy, messed up, creeps out there! It's almost like people watching...you see and meet the weirdest people some times.

Spring=Baseball...and all that jazz

2009-03-03T06:26:00.000-08:00

I am so STOKED about it being a month away from Opening Day. For those of you who don't know, I effing LOVE baseball. I bought my tickets a couple of weeks ago and now I cannot wait. I also got an autographed baseball by J Hamilton himself and an autographed baseball card from Kinsler....not gonna lie it's pretty awesome :)...oh and I finished my fantasy team ;) get 'em haha

moving on...Spring Break is coming up though..(not that I actually have an s.b. this year but whatever) I'm really excited to see everyone one that's coming home, and of course ready to party it up haha

Last Saturday me and Hayley applied for an apartment! it's freakin awesome and hopefully it'll be a better living situation than the one now...although I love Anna to death, we just now started talking on a regular basis and got on the same page and everything. Paul? yeah Paul sucks at life and we want to kick him out...gah. ass hole

That's it! the end.

He's Just Not That Into You..

2009-02-17T13:47:00.000-08:00

...Great Movie, Great Book. The movie was cute, witty, and funny. The book has good insight and it's funny. Greg Behrendt is hilarious on his show, and is just as funny in the book. For example: At the end of each chapter it says "What You Should Have Learned in This Chapter" (This particular chapter talks about if a guy is really into you he will actually call..if he's not, he won't) the last two points say

"Busy" is another word for "asshole." "Asshole is another word for the guy
you're dating.
You deserve a fucking phone call.

kind of blunt..and kind of harsh, but lets face it..it's so true! and the way he said it is pretty funny..haha

So I definately agree with this book. I know a guy that said that if he went to school around here instead of up in the New England area, he would totally date me. And he also informed me that he thinks I'm really hot. Ok, he may actually like me, but if he was actually into me he would atleast talk to me, or he would have gotten my number or whatever. But it's been two months since I've seen him or talked to him and he hasn't made any attempt to talk to me. We have mutual friends (who by the way have my number) and we are friends on facebook. If he wants to talk to me he can find a way. One of our mutual friends said something about me not giving him my number so that's why he hasn't called me..but come on..grow some balls and ask me for my number yourself. I'm so glad I wasn't really too into this guy. haha.

All in all I think everyone should go see this movie..and all you single girls should definately read the book. Cause for real, guys are simple creatures...they usually say what they mean so listennnn! :)

2009-02-10T18:37:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting here listening to the thunder roll and the the rain on the windows and it is completely mellowing me out. I love thunderstorms. ( I don't like the whole flooding thing and tornadoes and hail). In some way thunderstorms remind me of God's power and his might, and it calms me. It reminds me that no matter what God is, and always will be in control. A lot of kids are afraid of thunder and lightening when they were younger..but me, I was always amazed by it. I remember staying at a friend's house one night when I was about 10 and it was storming pretty bad and her dad and older brother were standing outside on the porch just watching the lightening. I walked out there and immediately there was a bolt of lightening that shot across the sky and completely lit the black sky up. It was one of the most beautiful and amazing sights I have ever seen in my life.

**************************************************************************************

I have decided that I love love love Katy Perry. She is SO cute. Now, I do not like her more than Carrie Underwood because, well, no one can ever take her place but, i do think she is absolutely adorable.

All about ME!

2009-02-02T13:52:00.000-08:00

I just bought a new car and I absolutely LOVE it.
I hate to clean but I hate when my room/car is messy..usually my lazy side wins
I am obsessed with DVR
I love to eat soup...except not the Campbell's crap..it's got to be real soup
When I'm at home I always drink my water from the same glass; and when I'm at work I have a Smart Water bottle that I drink all my water out of
I have way too much stuff that I don't use half of
I have a rather nice size DVD collection..however I could always use more ;)
I love love love Baseball
I love love love the Texas Rangers...I don't care if they "suck" I still love them
I also love Football!
I feel the same way about the Dallas Cowboys as I do about the Texas Rangers
I love the feeling in my mouth of having just brushed my teeth or eating minty gum and then drinking cold water
I like for things to be planned and set in stone..but I feel odd about making decisions
I have very long eyelashes and they drive me crazy going in all different directions but when they're curled and have mascara they look pretty great!
I'm am a perfectionist. You probably wouldn't know that looking at my room..but I am..big time. If I clean something then it has to be perfect
It annoys me when someone makes things out of place on purpose..I yell at Jeff about that when he messes up the stack while playing cards..lol
I finally got the car that I've wanted for the past 2 1/2 years..
.....and better yet! I'M the one buying it and I'M the one that found it
I have an addiction to buying magazines..I have about 4 or 5 that I get every month. Or atleast almost every month
I can't WAIT to move to Denton in the summer!...Don't worry FDub I'll be back
I definately shop sales. Unless it is something that I absolutely can't live without I don't usually pay full price for anything (unless it under $20)
If I don't agree with what someone says or does I don't usually say anything..something I should probably change
I used to let people walk all over me and finally during my senior year of high school I started to fight back. Now some people might think I'm a bitch, but I just don't take people's crap anymore
I am in the middle of reading 3 different books..and have not finished either of them
I refuse to read the Twilight books...because for one, I don't find anything about vampires appealing and 2. because I've heard they weren't really that great and 3. because I don't like to read the books that everyone freaks out about. that's why I am just now reading the Harry Potter series..
...which by the way I LOVE the Harry Potter books. I know..i'm a dork
I would love to go to Europe and just visit different places for a month..but seeing as that's not going to happen anytime soon I would atleast love to visit Ireland for any length of time, if nothing else
I like to listen to music that fits my mood
I have an obsession with denim mini skirts..last summer I had about 8
Spring and Summer are my favorite seasons, followed closely by Fall..and then Winter. Why spring and summer? because it's warm, pretty, and BASEBALL!!
I get overly excited about things..and I get excited about things very easily
I want a Coach purse sooo bad, however, if I was presented with the choice of either tickets to the Super Bowl or a Coach purse I would choose the tickets to the Super Bowl
I get very angry while driving..but when I see someone who is the person who is actually driving I usually feel bad..esp. if they're old
(Since this will more than likely be happening) I can't wait to room with Hayley next semester! It's gonna be hella aaawesome! :)

2009-01-15T11:41:00.000-08:00

I thought I would blog about a few different things today.

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Today's Agenda:

1. make a work out playlist on my iPod (5 min)
2. work out (20-30 min)
3. pick up and hang up all of my clothes in the floor (30-45 min)
4. take the massive pile of papers I no longer need to the recycle bin (5 min)
5. take a bubble bath (20 min)????maybe????
6. watch Return of the Jedi (2 hrs)
7. (while picking up clothes etc.) watch The Office (30 min)
8. eat dinner in there somewhere (15 min)
9. go to bed early-ish
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So I've decided that I am in love with Gavin Degraw. He has such good songs (such as I Don't Want To Be, Chariot, In Love With A Girl, and my 2 new fav's More Than Anyone and Follow Through), he has such a good voice and has such increadible soul present in all of his songs; and the fact that he has appeared in two of my favorite shows (One Tree Hill and What I Like About You) definately makes him even better! :) although on the hot scale he doesn't even compare to those like say Chad Michael Murray, or Zac Efron, or JT and so on..but his voice! wow!
I also found that I absolutely adore Jenna Fischer (Pam from the Office incase someone was wondering) she is ADORABLE! and funny and her character definately makes me like her even more.
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I read in Self magazine about complaining less so I'm going to try it. In the article the girl who was doing it started the week out by instead of complaining to someone, writing them down and taking a look at how petty, or how legitimate they were and she found by the end of the week that putting them into perspective she started to complain less and thus was in fewer bad moods.

Thursday complaints (so far):
.the cd I burned this morning was not the best quality that I would have prefered

ok that's weird I don't really have anymore. haha

Yes Man???

2009-01-12T07:15:00.000-08:00

A couple of weeks ago I saw the move Yes Man. It was kind of silly to think that someone went from always saying no to everything to all of a sudden saying yes to everything. But I think the idea is still there. I find myself saying "no" to things that I really have no reason to say "no" to. So I think in order to have more enjoyment and satisfaction (or whatever) in my life...and to even have a life...I should start saying "yes" to things, unless it's something I absolutely don't want to do or something that I absolutely can not do. I've always been the person that knows when to say "no" to someone or something, but I've never been the person who knows when to say "yes". There are things that I don't do just because I don't feel like it, and that isn't a good enough reason..unless I am actually sick, then it is a good reason. I'm 20 (almost 21!!!!!! whoo hoo!!!) years old. I should be having fun and living my life, not sitting back and watching other people live their lives. I really want to go out more, and I want to make more friends. So come on world, show me what you have to offer! :)

2009-01-09T09:32:00.000-08:00

Alright, so I've come to the realization that I am a mixture of complete girly girl and tomboy. I like to do the girly things and look pretty and dress in cute clothes and everything, but then again I also love to watch/play (more-so watch) sports, I like playing games and poker and all I like the funny comedies and action movies that are more geared towards guy rather than girls. Although I do sometimes rather enjoy the girlyness over the tomboyness. I would rather drink a fruity drink over a beer and I would rather dress up than just wear sweats. But just the mere excitement I get from watching a close intense football game or baseball game (and I've even opened up to basketball) is exhilarating. Last night I was watching the Florida vs ou game and I don't exactly care for Florida but I hate ou so much that I was rooting for Florida. I was even jumping up and down every time Florida scored, or made an interception. Whenever I watch a sporting event I am always reminded of the quote from One Tree Hill

"I guess when i watch a game, it reminds me that we all have greatness inside of us. That on any given day the underdog can rise up and win. It gives me hope."

I love sports :) they make me happy..I really cannot wait until baseball season!

Oh and I know I'm a few years behind the times, but I just finished the 5th Harry Potter book...ok what the crap? Sirius died?!?!? And Cho has another boyfriend?! Gaaay. And Dumbledore, come on! You really should have seen this coming. I can't believe Sirius is dead!!!! That makes me really sad :( Hopefully the next two books are good..cause honestly until the last couple of chapters of this book it was increadibly hard to read but I had to read this book to read the others and to know what is happening...I still can't believe he died!!

Happy New Year!!

2009-01-02T11:44:00.000-08:00

So, with the new year I've decided to take action to make things happen this year. I am going to make goals this year and try my hardest to fulfill them this year, or for my more long-term goals, I will begin steps in order to ensure that I fulfill these dreams.

Just a few of these said goals:

Short Term (Next 2 years):
*Make All A's in my classes again (I may only get a B in say Government because that's usually what I get in those type classes, this goal is really more of what I will try to get and getting one B is really not bad at all)
*Get transferred to U.N.T.
*Find an apartment or small house in Denton
*Find a job in Denton
*Pay off my car
*Pay off my credit card debt
*Fix credit in general
*(Hopefully) Graduate with my B.S. in Psychology
*Begin looking at different Graduate Schools and places to get my Doctorate
*(Hopefully) Begin getting serious with someone and looking to settle down with them

For the rest of my Life:
*Get my Masters and Doctorate degrees
*Get Married
*Have kids
*Buy a house
*Buy a car (one of these days get a Lexus or BMW suv)
*Have my own practice
*Develope my own psychology magazine, or write a book (or both)
*Be all around happy with my life everyday

I love the thought of a new year, it makes me feel like anything is possible. Which it is, it makes me feel renewed :)

2008-12-30T13:26:00.000-08:00

So I happened to read this random girl's blog and she lives in NY (or at least that general area) I just keep thinking about how awesome it would be to go live up there for a couple of years after I graduate from grad school and get like an internship or something. That's actually scary as hell to really think about it..but it would be amazing to do that! I would love to have a little bit of adventure in my life. Even if that doesn't happen (which it probably won't because I LOVE Texas! and lets face it, I'm a freaking' scaredy cat). Although, I have to say that when I went up to visit Joel in D.C. I fell in love with the city. I don't know if I would ever actually live there but maybe. Maybe if I marry some kind of lawyer or someone with another profession that is common amoungst those in D.C. (not politician, please no) we can move up there for a few years, maybe indefinately and stay there, or maybe just for a few years and come back home to good 'ole Texas. I don't know, whatever happens though I'm up for it. I really want to go on an adventure.

So speaking of adventure, this is a list of all of the places I would absolutely love to visit someday:

New York City (again, I went once and it was A-M-A-ZING)
Ireland
England (U.K. Britain whatever)
Washington D.C.
France
Hawaii
L.A.
San Fransisco
Mall of America
the town that they shoot One Tree Hill in (I don't know the name)
Las Vegas
Spain
Cozumel
..probably a lot more places..

Hm. Adventure..sounds fun. I need some small adventures in my life because that's all I can really do right now, but it would so liven up my life! I need some fun..

Bto-theW

Adventure numero 1:

Getting my hair cut. And I don't mean just a trim and getting it cut again like I always get it cut. I'm getting a good 3-4 in. cut off and hopefully get it dyed to a nice pretty dark chocolate brown color.

whoo! I'm excited..and nervous at the same time!

2008-12-24T07:17:00.000-08:00

So, In my book that I am reading it talks about failure, and how many of the people my age are scared of failure. I really am scared of failure, and I think that's why I haven't taken many risks in my life. OK so this is it, this is my life and to live it completely to the fullest, I have to take some kind of risk. The biggest risks I've taken is moving out on my own, and falling in love and allowing myself to be in that vulnerable position and risking getting my heart broken (but ya know I've had my heart broken a few times and I've always bounced back even better so I know that's not something that I need to fear). Living on my own is so incredibly scary, there are times that I don't have a damn clue how I'm going to pay for rent, or how I'm going to pay for school, my car, food, whatever but I make it happen somehow. I guess I just hate feeling helpless and not knowing what lies ahead, but that's something that everyone has to go through; and yes, maybe moving out right now wasn't the smartest decision I've ever made in my life, but I felt it was something that I needed to do. I'm learning from my mistakes and learning what to know what I can and cannot afford and learning how to live off of the money that I make. I have a plan for my life, but I think I need to begin adjusting it to be sure that there is room for failure, and if I happen to fail there is a way for me to bounce back and have a plan for my life still, so that I will be okay no matter what. I already know that I am going to get teacher certified and all so if I get into the feild of psychology and I realize that doing the whole counseling thing just is not for me, then I can always teach psychology. I really hope my life turns out good, not necessarily exactly according to plan (although, that would be ideal) but turn out for the best either way. I know I will learn from all of my mistakes and I know that with people who love me surrounding me, I know I'll be okay.

2008-12-22T12:16:00.000-08:00

5 YEARS AGO
How old were you?: almost 16
What grade were you in?: sophomore in hs
Where did you go to school?: SHS
Where did you work?: nowhere
Where did u live?: Fort Worth
Where did you hang out?: umm with friends i don't remember where
How was your hair style?: long
Did you wear braces?: no
Did you wear glasses?: yes
Who was your best friend?: Julie, Katherine, Courtney
Who was your boyfriend/girlfriend?: umm at the time..noone I don't think
Who was your celebrity crush?: oh geez I don't even know
Did you have more guy friends or girl? probably more girls
Who was your regular-person crush?: then, hm Josh and Chris lol
How many piercings did you have?: just my ears
How many tattoos did you have?: none
What kind of music were you into: umm just whatever
What was your favorite band?: i don't remember
What was your biggest fear?: getting bad grades
Favorite color: i think like green maybe
Had you smoked a cigarette yet?:no
Had you gotten drunk or high yet? no
Had you driven yet?: nope (atleast not legally)

One year ago:

How old were you?: almost 20
Where do you go to school?: Tarrant County
Where did u live?: Fort Worth still
Where did you hang out?: umm wherever my friends and I decided to go
How was your hair style?: long, layerd, side bangs
Did you wear glasses?:at night
Who was your best friend: Monica
Who was your boyfriend/girlfriend?: Justin
Did you have more guy friends or girl?: about equal
Who is your celebrity crush?: Zac Efron
Who was your regular-person crush? my boyfriend (at the time)
How many tattoos do you have?: none
How many piercings do you have? ears
What kind of music are you into: umm anything really, i was more into the country scene then
What is your favorite band?: Carrie Underwood was my favorite singer
What is your biggest fear?: failing
Have you driven yet?: yes
Favorite color: purple
Have you smoked a cigarette yet?: no
Have you gotten drunk or high yet?: drunk
----------------------------------------------------------------HA HA HA!!!
LETS SEE WHAT YOU ARE NOW !!!!!----------------------------------------------------------------
How old are you?: almost 21
Where do you go to school?: Tarrant County
Where do u live?: Fort Worth still
Where do you hang out?: umm wherever my friends and I decide to go..i can't wait to go to bars!!!!
How is your hair style?: long, layerd, side bangs..which i need to get cut again
Do you wear glasses?:at night
Who is your best friend: Julie, Tiffany and few others that are really close to me :)
Who is your boyfriend/girlfriend?: no one right now
Do you have more guy friends or girl?: probably equal give or take a few
Who is your celebrity crush?: Chad Michael Murray :)
Who is your regular-person crush? hate to say it but my ex :/
How many tattoos do you have?: one
How many piercings do you have? ears and belly button
What kind of music are you into: umm anything really
What is your favorite band?: I don't really have a favorite band, Carrie Underwood is my favorite singer
What is your biggest fear?: losing the people I love, failing at life, having absolutely no money and nowhere to turn
Have you driven yet?: yes
Favorite color: purple, pink, green
Have you smoked a cigarette yet?: no
Have you gotten drunk or high yet?: drunk
Repost This And Pass It On And See How Much You've Changed

Life, and all that goes along with it

2008-12-20T07:46:00.001-08:00

So, I am so so ready to grow up. I am ready to get on with my life and stop acting like a child, or a teenager. I want to get on with my schooling and get done so I can graduate and get a good successful job. I know exactly what I want to do. I want to go to UNT then go to Texas Weslyan for grad school. Become a school counselor for like a high school and then get my PsyD (Doctorate of Psychology which is better used with clinical practices rather than clinical research) so I can go on and do clinical psychology and counseling and all. Actually I think I can do that with just a masters. I want to start acting like an adult. I want to live my life knowing that these are going to be the best years of my life. I can't wait until I turn 21 and I can actually go out. I want to find someone that I love, and that loves me back and that I can be with for the rest of my life. I'm getting older, and learning new things every single day. I need to start making some changes in my life. Changes that are hopefully going to be benneficial to me and my future. I'm so excited to get on with my future. I really think that going to UNT is going to be good for me. My heart is racing just thinking about it, and about my future. I don't want to stay where I am. Intimacy v. Isolation. That's what stage I'm said to be in according to Erik Erikson. In this stage I will either continue to grow and become a secure adult, meet someone and begin settling down; or I will get no where in life and never meet anyone. I hope with all that I have that I fall in the first group. That's what I want, and that is what is necessary to continue in growing and developing correctly as an adult. There is one thing that I want with all of my heart, and I think in time I can have it back. I just have to wait, and waiting is one of my least favorite things to do, because I am so increadibly impatient.

I feel like I am growing up, and unlike before I want to grow up and I am ready to grow up. I think I'm in a not so good place right now because before I was not ready to grow up. I am now, and I am excited for my future. :)

2008-12-18T08:45:00.001-08:00

So last night, I was in the living room watching How I Met Your Mother and Anna came home. It turns out that she loves that show too! Awesome! That definately made her a hundred times cooler! Haha. So this whole going to U.N.T. thing, yeah I think that's the road I'm going to take. Hayley says it is such a transfer school, and that most schools won't take most credits already received but tha U.N.T. takes basically all of them (I'm guessing if you can prove that it was a class very closely related to another course at U.N.T.). Denton is only like 40-45 minutes away from Fort Worth so that's not that bad. Ok well that's about 85 miles a day if I drive to Fort Worth and back in one day. Agh I don't know if that would be the best idea, but I really don't want to have to quit my job and find another one. But I NEED a job. Hm. We'll see what happens in the next few months I guess.

2008-12-16T07:13:00.000-08:00

So there's a part of me that really misses high school, and hell, even elementary school (although not middle school..those were my awkward years) those were the days that I could just run and play. Not have to worry about anything. My biggest worry in elementary school was having to pass my spelling test or be able to write in cursive, or making sure I didn't get a "ticket" for talking in the auditorium before school (although I lived across the street from school..I don't know why it took until 4th or 5th grade to realize that I could wait until the bell rang to go to school). In high school my biggest worry was passing all of my classes, and being able to play my all region music or concert piece or senior year was being sure I knew the score backwards and forwards and didn't get off beat; or worrying about who I was going to go to homecoming or backwards with or whatever. Now, I have to not only worry about classes, but I have to worry about making my rent payment, my car payment, credit card payments and making them on time with the money that I don't have. I have to worry about keeping my grades up so that I can transfer to a good school and get a good degree and be able to make a fair amount of money later on in life and not have to worry about money then. I really hate growing up. I mean it's great because there are so many more opportunities but there's also more opportunities to fail, and failing is not an option. Infact failing is one of my greatest fears in life and I can already feel myself failing at life. I kind of got thrust into being an adult and taking care of myself when my Mom died and I feel like i'm drowing. There's so many things that she always took care of for me and now I'm trying to figure out how to take care of myself. It kind of sucks..no wait not kind of. It does suck. A lot. I need to try to be more organized and get things payed off and get out of debt and fix my credit. I don't want to have sucky credit when I get married. I want to better than I am. Like I said before I feel like I'm drowning and I don't know how to stop it and I don't know what to do I just know that I want to change things but I don't know where to start.

Ok I'm thinking about going to UNT next year. Big change. I did not want to go to UNT, but now I just might. Me and Hayley talked about trying to room together next year. That would be awesome! and I could try to get all my classes on 2 days and still work here at the bank 3 days a week. That would be pretty cool, and I know of a couple of people who have gone to UNT for psychology, including Jay. I'll still be around here and maybe it'll be far enough away that I won't have to go to Houston to get away. I don't know, we'll see. I think I would actually prefer UNT over UTA though, and TCU just really isn't an option because of finances. I really don't want to have to owe a million dollars by the time I finally get out of school.

2008-12-15T13:59:00.000-08:00

So, I have begun reading a book about the "quarterlife crisis" and it's really interesting. I never heard of such a thing but what they're talking about makes increadible sense. It basically talks about how when you're in your twenties and you just get out of college, all of a sudden you hit a point that you are faced with so many different options, and decisions to make and most of the time you don't know what you're supposed to do or where you're supposed to go next. It's really interesting, but also scary at the same time. I don't want to get to that point that I don't have a clue what I'm doing. I want to know what I'm doing ahead of time. I hate, absolutely hate not knowing what is going to happen. It scares the hell out of me. and maybe I do just need to live out on the edge. See what happens. Either way, I want to be prepared to the best of my ability to be fully equipped to handle what ever happens in the future.